Subject: New Barbies
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Thu Jun 15 2000 - 10:12:40 EDT
"New Barbies"
At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls
to coincide with her (and population?) aging
gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...
1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of
blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors
(half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print
editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton
and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops
of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes
with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels
shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with
teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy
triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns.
Good news on the tummy front, too -- muumuus
with tummy-support panels are included.
5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto
heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's
dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the
pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry
mules.
6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky
crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin
Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of
exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a
cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts
off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs
and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue
or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and
fruit punch.
8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken.
Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her
personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered,
along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new
red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to
open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking
Up Is Hard to Do."
9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes
with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have
finally caught up with the ultimate party girl.
Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance
steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings
religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big
Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.
11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets
her pants when she sneezes, forgets where
she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and
tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the
tube, clicking through the channels. Comes
with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this
year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner
Self" is included.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Sat Jul 01 2000 - 00:00:03 EDT