Subject: Millennium Bug
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Jan 31 2000 - 04:05:27 EST
"Best Uses For Fruitcake"
1. Bury them in the back yard for future
archaeologists to discover.
2. Give them to your child for a science project.
3. Hang on to it to find out if there REALLY is
more than one Fruitcake that's making its rounds
every year!!
4. Use it to hold up a broken table or chair leg.
5. Mash them down and use for mortar when
building a log cabin
6. Use as exercise stepping block for step
aerobics.
7. Makes a wonderful dessert for Road Kill Cafe
fare.
8. Use them to pave the freeways with. Just
place them on the road and run a steamroller
over them.
9. Use them as fillers to repair the river levees
with! They last indefinitely and are so dense,
water can never penetrate them.
10. Last and probably least - try eating it! One
way to get rid of it!
******************************************************
"Millennium Bug"
It seems that computer programs are full of
"bugs," so named because that's what many
software engineers look like. And, the worst
bug is the Y2K, which, if left un-addressed,
could result in the following calamities:
Bill Clinton might be constitutionally eligible
to run for a third term.
Chevy might bring back the Vega.
Airlines might accidentally install seats large
enough for people to sit in.
Due to a crash in their phone systems, you
could call a bank and wind up talking to a
person instead of a recording.
The White House might start charging drug
dealers the wrong rate for a night in the
Lincoln Bedroom.
As the ball drops on New Year's Eve in
Times Square in New York, it might get stuck,
meaning Dick Clark would be on television
forever.
Kenneth Starr would lose all of his data and
have to start his investigation over from scratch.
Your VCR would stop blinking MIDNIGHT
MIDNIGHT MIDNIGHT and start blinking
NOON NOON NOON.
Tony Orlando might decide the time is right
for a comeback.
If you are one of those people who have
trouble adjusting to Daylight Savings Time,
imagine the headaches you'll have to endure
when we start the 1900s all over again!
Probably the worst fear people have about Y2K
is that the banks will lose all of their data, and
no one will be able to get money out. To prevent
this, some experts are recommending withdrawing
large amounts of cash and stuffing your mattress
with it, which sounds to me like a pretty good way
to guarantee a back ache.
Here's a better idea... withdraw your money,
and send it to me. I promise I won't lose it to the
Y2K bug. I can't promise about the MasterCard
and Visa bug, but better the bug you know than
the one you don't, I always say. (Well ok, I
never actually have said that before.)
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Tue Feb 01 2000 - 00:00:06 EST