Subject: Signs You Need A New Lawyer
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Fri Jan 14 2000 - 06:54:06 EST
"Billing Practices"
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted
by people describing their ailments and asking
the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour
of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer,
"What do you do to stop people from asking you
for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then
I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it
a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty,
the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to
place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from
the lawyer.
*******************************************************
"Signs You Need A New Lawyer"
1. During your initial consultation he tries
to sell you Amway.
2. He tells you that his last good case was
a "Budweiser."
3. When the prosecutors see who your
lawyer is, they high-five each other.
4. He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
5. During the trial you catch him playing his
Pokeman.
6. He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
7. A court security guard begins shaving your
head.
8. Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call
Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds
to drink a shot.
9. He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
10. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on
the defense table.
11. He begins closing arguments with, "As
Ally McBeal once said ..."
12. He keeps citing the legal case of
Godzilla v. Jesse Jackson.
13. Just before trial starts he whispers, "The
judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
14. Just before he says "Your Honor," he
makes those little quotation marks in the air
with his fingers.
15. The sign in front of his law office reads
"Practicing Law Since 11:25 AM."
16. Whenever his objection is overruled,
he tells the judge, "Whatever."
17. He giggles every time he hears the word
"briefs."
18. His flat fee is $2,500 for your case, BUT he
will give you double your many back if he wins
your case.
19. The name of his law firm is Goldberg,
Goldman, Mandlebaum, and Cohen. His name
is Pedro Jesus Sanchez.
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