Subject: A Woman's Strategy for Going to the Bathroom
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sat Feb 26 2000 - 03:52:24 EST
"A Woman's Strategy for Going to the Bathroom"
1) Enter bathroom, and start checking each stall,
but do NOT check the first one, first one is bad luck,
even if tests prove that it's always the cleanest.
Look to see what stall is the nicest looking, deciding
only after checking every available stall.
2) Decide which is the cleanest stall, and try to get
to it before that other bitch who entered when you did.
3) Mutter "Slut" under breath, when she grabs the
stall you wanted, and make a run for the one you
wanted, or that skunk who entered after you will get it.
4) Hang jacket and purse on hooks on door.
5) Take some toilet paper and wipe the seat,
pretending you can wipe off all germs.
6) Line toilet seat with toilet paper! Germs are bad!
7) Start to take off all layers of required clothing,
be sure nothing rests on the ground! Use all other
hooks available if needed.
8) Sit down on toilet seat very lightly, as not to
disturb layer of paper between you and the seat.
Germs are bad!
9) Relax and let the flow go, but make sure your
still sitting lightly, because the paper on the seat
can't move, or you'll get germs!
10) Start to dispense the required amount of toilet
paper from the roll. Fold into neat rectangle, and
wipe all drips, very careful to not get germs from
the seat!
11) Toss soiled toilet paper into toilet while standing
up, watch out for the germs!
12) Start to put back on the 27 layers of clothing you
were wearing, make sure it looks exactly like it did
when you entered bathroom.
13) Put all toilet paper lining seat into toilet.
14) Flush.
15) Grab jacket and purse while unlocking door.
16) Walk to sink, and turn on tap.
17) Put hands under running water for at least 10
seconds.
18) Lather up with lots of soap, and be sure to get
anywhere on hands that was exposed to germs!
19) Rinse soap off hands under water for another
10 seconds.
20) Look for paper towel, if there is none, mumble
under breath, and stick hands under blow dryer for
4 minutes. NEVER WIPE HANDS ON CLOTHING!
Make your move to counter/mirror section.
21) Put jacket to side, blocking that skunk who was
trying to get your stall from coming next to you, and
make sure your as far away as possible from that
bitch who took your stall.
22) Scoff at the way the bitch who took your stall looks.
Her make-up is all wrong!
23) Spread out contents of purse on counter.
24) Touch up already perfect make-up, for no reason,
be sure to take at least 2 minutes doing this.
25) Organize objects when putting back in purse,
a messy purse is bad!
26) Put on jacket, laugh to self at that skunk who
wanted your stall her clothes are gross.
27) Walk out of bathroom, tossing head at the skunk
who is still putting make-up on, and make sure you
gasp when the bitch who took your stall scoffs at you.
28) Find boyfriend outside, wonder how he gets done
so fast ... You were really quick this time!
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Wed Mar 01 2000 - 00:00:07 EST