Subject: Learn From Your Teenager
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Fri Feb 18 2000 - 08:02:36 EST
"Learn From Your Teenager"
Enjoyed the "Learn from your children" very
much. I now have teens and almost feel that
I can make my own "Learn from your teenager"
so I did. Not quite as funny but equally true.
6 alarm clocks will wake everyone in the
house except a teenager.
1 glass of ice water will.
No alarm clock is necessary for dates or
concerts.
Music is meant to be shared with neighbors
two blocks away.
Don't play it backwards
Expect a knock at the door with a summons
to court.
Never start your car before the radio is
turned OFF.
Speedometers are to test the car and see
if they really go that fast.
Mine goes 140MPH on the straight away.
Teenager's cars go faster.
Tires are there to leave little black marks
when you peel out.
The bigger the black mark, the better the
car.
A car will hold 16 people with the tailgate
open.
More if you add one to the hood and one
to the roof.
A car will run on fumes long enough to
back out of the driveway.
Walking to the gas station is good exercise
for you.
Being late for work is not good for you.
Teenagers are allergic to walking.
A clean room means a path from the door
to the bed.
A bedroom can be cleaned in five minutes
flat if they throw everything into the trash.
Including dirty laundry and dirty dishes.
The phone is always in use.
Extra phone lines doesn't help.
A pager does. (At least you know which
calls you've missed)
Teenagers want to know what calls
they've missed, too.
Kool-aid is for coloring hair.
Trousers should be worn several sizes
too big and low enough for at least 6"
of underwear to show.
Only one half of a wallet is for money.
The other half is for status symbols.
Condoms are status symbols.
The most abhorred 4 letter word is WORK!
(houseWORK and homeWORK,)
The second worst 4 letter word is HOME.
Windows are more useful as doors.
The knock at the window is always answered
by a teenager.
The knock at the door is always an adult.
Police come in all shapes and sizes.
3 work days a month are school holidays.
The house will always be redecorated when
you come home from work.
All walls should have a window.
Windows are easily made with fists.
Violation tickets come in all shapes, colors
and sizes.
No, all the blue tickets are not curfew
violations and all the yellow tickets are not
noise violations, that doesn't even include
the pink or the green ones.
Remove all lethal weapons from your home.
Schools consider paring knives, lethal
weapons.
A plastic knife will not slice butter without
breaking.
Every parent of a teenager can add much
to this list.
That's a double dog dare!!!! (If they still
use that term)
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