Subject: The Musicians
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Feb 14 2000 - 09:30:46 EST
"The Paintings"
Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery
and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge
canvas that has black with yellow blobs of
paint splattered all over it. The next painting
is a murky gray color that has drips of purple
paint streaked across it.
Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't
understand your paintings."
"I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist.
"Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?"
*******************************************************
"Fred Allen"
Fred Allen began his career as a vaudeville
performer in theaters near his home in Boston.
Before he realized how good he was at making
people laugh, he presented himself as a juggler.
He later referred to his routine as the world's
worst juggling act.
>From the seats and from the wings, he had
seen many an act greeted with deadly silence.
Terrified by the possibility that his act would
suffer the same fate. Allen came on stage with
a large card bearing a message for the audience.
The message: "Mr. Allen is quite deaf. If you
care to applaud, please do so loudly."
*******************************************************
"The Musicians"
When a dress manufacturer made a fortune,
he decided to fulfill his lifelong desire to lead
an orchestra. He hired one drummer, one
saxophonist and 13 violinists.
At their first rehearsal, he conducted so poorly
that the drummer asked the other men to quit
with him.
"No, he is paying us well," said one violinist.
"Besides, he must know something about
music."
When they resumed playing, the Conductor
couldn't keep in time. The angry drummer
started to beat his drums furiously.
The Conductor tapped for silence, glared at the
Musicians and asked,
"WHO DID THAT?"
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