Subject: Alcohol Warnings
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sun Dec 31 2000 - 02:25:40 EST
"Alcohol Warnings"
The Toronto board of health has proposed that
warning signs be placed on booze bottles to tip
off drinkers about the possible peril of pounding
a pint or two.
1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
cause you to wake up with breath that could
knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.
2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a
major factor in dancing like an butthole.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
cause you to tell the same boring story over
and over again until your friends want to
SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY
think while photocopying your butt at the office
Christmas party.
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really
dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the
morning.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
leave you wondering what the hell ever
happened to your pants anyway.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
cause you to roll over in the morning and see
something really scary (whose species and
or name you can't remember)
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the
leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on
the forehead.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may
create the illusion that you are tougher,
handsomer and smarter than some really,
really big guy named Psycho.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Mon Jan 01 2001 - 00:00:01 EST