Subject: New Year Resolutions
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sat Dec 30 2000 - 03:10:15 EST
"New Year Resolutions"
Are you sick of making the same resolutions
year after year that you never keep? Why not
promise to do something you can actually
accomplish? Here are some resolutions that
you can use as a starting point:
1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30
pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some
good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more.
6. Drink. Drink some more.
7. Take up a new habit: smoking.
8. Spend at least $1000 a month on hookers.
9. Spend more time at work.
10. Take a vacation to someplace important:
like to see the largest ball of twine.
11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should
eat out more.
12. Quit giving money & time to charity.
14. Start being superstitious.
15. Have my car lowered and invest in a really
loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted.
Buy some fur for the dash.
16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use
monosyllabic words.
17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small
and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear
white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow
stains under the arms.
18. Personal goal: bring back disco.
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