Subject: Are YOU A Problem Thinker?
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Wed Aug 30 2000 - 07:27:03 EDT
"Are YOU A Problem Thinker?"
It started out innocently enough. I began to think
at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably
though, one thought led to another, and soon I
was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself -
but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more
and more important to me, and finally I was
thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking
and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop
myself.
I began to avoid old friends at lunchtime so I could
read Thoreau, and hang out with thinking buddies.
I would return to the office dizzied and confused,
asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either.
One evening I had turned off the TV and asked
my wife about the meaning of life. She spent
that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One
day the boss called me in. He said, "Morris, I like
you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking
has become a real problem. If you don't stop
thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the
boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking,
I'm hooked..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I
want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You
think as much as college professors, and college
professors don't make much money, so if you
keep on thinking we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and
she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to
the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some
Nietzsche, with NPR on the radio. I roared into
the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors...
they didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was
looking out for me that night.
As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling
glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught
my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?"
it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes
from the standard Thinker's Anonymous (TA) poster.
Which is why I am what I am today; a recovering
thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting
we watch a non-educational video; last week it was
"Porky's." Then we share experiences about how
we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I also
avoid people who think.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I
stopped thinking.
....and YOU be a pal...Don't THINK and Drive !
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Fri Sep 01 2000 - 00:00:04 EDT