Subject: Welcome To The Psychiatric Hotline!
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Fri Aug 18 2000 - 08:20:29 EDT
"Welcome To The Psychiatric Hotline!"
If you are Type A press 1 before anyone
else does.
If you are obsessive compulsive, please
press 1 repeatedly, just in case.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone
to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, please press
3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are
and what you want; just keep reading while
we trace your brain waves.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and
a little voice will tell you which # to press
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter
which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with
the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder,
slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a
message after the beep - or before the beep -
or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have attention deficit disorder, start to
press......Hello!...Hello?!!
If you have short-term memory loss, please try
your call again later.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state you
name, address, phone number, date of birth,
social security number and your mother's and
grandmother's maiden names.
If you are masochistic, shove the receiver
as far as you can up your left nostril.
If you are sadistic, well,........you get the idea.
If you are grandiose, any number you press
will be superior to anything that anyone else
might have pressed.
If you are Oedipal, press 7 and your mother
will answer.
If you are possessed, press 666.
If you are narcissistic, press 3 to hear a
recording of your own voice.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.
All of our operators are far too busy to talk to you.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Fri Sep 01 2000 - 00:00:04 EDT