Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Tue, 28 Sep 1999 14:43:56 -0400
"A Dog In The Synagogue"
(Please refer to the dictionary below
for words you do not know.)
It's Erev Rosh HaShanah (**), and services
are about to begin. The synagogue is packed.
As the congregants are milling around,
shmoozing (**) before services, everyone
seems to be distracted by a man who has
brought with him a St. Bernard dog. "What
chutzpah! (**)" an elderly woman whispers
aloud.
Services begin, and everyone is fascinated
by how well the dog behaves.
The next morning, the man and his dog arrive
early and promptly begin dovening (**). This
time, the dog is wearing its own little tallis and
yarmulke (**), and even appears, upon closer
inspection, to be shuckling (**) back and forth
as the hazzan (**) intones the prayers. The
congregation is amazed.
The week goes by and Kol Nidre arrives. The
solemn worship service begins. The man
and his dog are back, and this time, just as
the hazzan (**) is about to begin the prayers,
the dog stands up on its hind legs and howls
"Ba-ROOOOOOOCH....! (**)" more
melodically than the best hazzan.
After the service, everyone is clamoring to
meet this man and his remarkable dog.
Finally the rabbi comes up to him and says,
"That's one talented pooch you have there.
You know, you should really consider
sending your dog to Rabbinical school."
The man looks down, shakes his head,
throws up his hands in disgust and says,
"YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!"
<>*<> http://www.ladyhawk.com <>*<>
Dictionary by LadyHawke
** Erev Rosh HaShanah - All Jewish Holidays
start the night before. (Remember "And there
was Night and there was Day?") Erev means
"the night before."
** shmoozing - mingling
** chutzpah - having guts, audacity.
** dovening - praying
** tallis and yarmulke - articles of religious attire
** shuckling - swaying back & forth while praying.
** Kol Nidre - another Jewish Holiday, Erev
Yom Kippur
** hazzan - leader of the service, usually the
elder of the congregation.
** Yom Kippur - The Day of Atonement
** shul - synagogue
** mechitza - a curtain dividing men and women
in Hasidic and Orthodox synagogues.
** Ba-roooch - Most of prayers in Hebrew start
with "Baruch...," which means "Blessed..."
** Shofar - a ram horn blown during Rosh
HaShanah services.
***********************************************************
"The Chauffeur" (Adult?)
The Catholic chauffeur was bragging to
his friend how well the Jewish family who
employed him treated him.
"You wouldn't believe it," he said. "I get
tips galore, and they always buy me lunch
or dinner when I drive. My salary is great,
with benefits! I get off all holidays, including
the Jewish ones, like Rosh Hashanah."
"That sounds pretty good," said the friend.
"But what's Rosh Hashanah?"
"Oh, that's when they blow the shofar." (**)
"Wow!" said the amazed friend. "Those
are SOME benefits!"
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Wed Sep 29 1999 - 09:00:03 EDT