Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Sun, 17 Oct 1999 02:21:48 -0400
"Two Words"
The other day I had the opportunity to drop
by my department head's office. He's a
friendly guy and on the rare opportunities
that I have to pay him a visit, we have had
enjoyable conversations. While I was in
his office yesterday I asked him, "Sir, what
is the secret of your success?"
He said, "Two words."
"And, Sir, what are they?"
"Right decisions."
"But how do you make right decisions?"
"One word." he responded.
"And, sir, what is that?"
"Experience."
"And how do you get experience?"
"Two words."
"And, Sir, what are they?"
"Wrong decisions."
************************************************
"HOW APPLICANTS SPEAK"
(and what they mean)
"I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL
SITUATIONS:"
I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take
lots of coffee breaks.
"I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON
MY STRONG COMMUNICATION &
ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS:"
I talk too much and like to tell other people
what to do.
"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER
OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:"
I've used Microsoft Office.
"I'M HONEST, HARDWORKING AND DEPENDABLE:"
I pilfer office supplies.
"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE
INCLUDES:"
I hope you don't ask me about all the
McJobs I've had.
"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:"
I blame others for my mistakes.
"I'M PERSONABLE:"
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to
co-workers.
"I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE:"
As I leave San Quentin, anywhere is better.
"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:"
I carry a Franklin Planner.
"MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH
YOUR REQUIREMENTS:"
You're probably looking for someone more
experienced.
"I AM ADAPTABLE:"
I've changed jobs a lot.
"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:"
The minute I find a better job. I'm outta there.
"I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING:"
I'm a college dropout.
"THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND
CONSIDERATION:"
Wait! Don't throw me away!
"I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM
YOU SOON:"
Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for
your stupid form letter thanking me for my
interest and wishing me luck in my future career.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Sun Oct 17 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT