Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Thu, 07 Oct 1999 17:31:06 -0400
"Baby Quips"
I knew a woman that had eighteen kids.
Her idea of birth control was being able
to make it to the delivery room in time!
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My kids had a lot in common with my
father-in-law when they were born:
Toothless, bald, and demanding.
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Babies are wonderful, but they grow up
so quickly. Before you know it they're
eating solids: pillows, buttons, dust-bunnies...
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Multiple births seem to be popping up
all over the place: Twins, triplets, Quads,
Quints, and more! I think I can understand
what's going on: The shape the world's in
today, kids are afraid to come out by
themselves!
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"10 Things Dr. Spock Didn't Tell You"
10. It doesn't take a genius to make a baby,
in fact, 95% are made by accident.
9. Once you do make one, they become
crying, eating, non-sleeping, diaper filling
machines.
8. All babies are "cute" when born, but soon
outgrow it.
7. They start getting teeth at about 1 year
old, and will put anything into their mouths
that fit.
6. Grandmas will go absolutely nuts over
them, and will do without so they can buy
for their grandchild.
5. At 2, they are walking and starting to
make noises, getting into anything that
isn't nailed down.
4. At 3, they just about have their parents
trained to buy, fetch, sit, and promise
NOT to make anymore kids.
3. At 4, they start to lose their hearing.
You must repeatedly tell them what to
do or don't do.
2. At 6, they start taking revenge on
siblings, (if one is present) and other kids
1. At 7, YOU have completely lost control,
neighbors shy away from you and your
house. Police begin to patrol your street,
then you know you are a parent.
AND YOU VOW NEVER TO GO
THROUGH THAT AGAIN!!!
(but you do...........)
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Fri Oct 08 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT