Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Wed, 06 Oct 1999 07:22:56 -0400
"Real Resume And Cover Letter Excepts"
These are taken from real resumes and cover
letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:
1. I demand a salary commiserate with my
extensive experience.
2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor
and spreadsheet progroms.
3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the
Year.
4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed
financial institutions.
6. Its best for employers that I not work
with people.
7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over
my experience.
8. You will want me to be Head Honcho in
no time.
9. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever
forget details.
10. I was working for my mom until she
decided to move.
11. Failed bar exam with relatively high
grades.
12. Marital status: single. Unmarried.
Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.
13. I have an excellent track record, although
I am not a horse.
14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs...
Please feel free to respond to my resume
on my office voice mail.
15. I have become completely paranoid,
trusting completely no one and absolutely
nothing.
16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But
since I possess no training in meterology,
I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
17. I procrastinate, especially when the task
is unpleasant.
18. As indicted, I have over five years of
analyzing investments.
19. Personal interests: donating blood.
Fourteen gallons so far.
20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation
for a Midwest chain store.
21. Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14
jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.
22. Marital status: often. Children: various.
23. Reason for leaving last job: They
insisted that all employees get to work by
8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work
under those conditions.
24. The company made me a scapegoat,
just like my three previous employers.
25. Finished eighth in my class of ten.
26. References: None. I've left a path of
destruction behind me.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Wed Oct 06 1999 - 09:00:01 EDT