Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Fri, 01 Oct 1999 06:37:22 -0400
"A Jewish Parrot"
(Please refer to the dictionary below for
words you do not know and guess the rest.)
Meyer, a lonely widower, was walking home
along Delancy Street one day wishing
something wonderful would happen into his
life, when he passed a Pet Store and heard
a squawking voice shouting out in Yiddish:
"Quawwwwk... vus macht du... Yeah, du...
outside, standing like a putzel... eh?"
Meyer rubbed his eyes and ears. He couldn't
believe it. The proprietor sprang out of the
door and grabbed Meyer by the sleeve.
"Come in here, fella, and check out this
parrot..."
Meyer stood in front of an African Grey that
cocked his little head and said: "Vus?
Kenst reddin Yiddish?" (Loosely: Do you
understand Yiddish?)
Meyer turned excitedly to the store owner.
"He speaks Yiddish?!?"
"Vuh den? Chinese maybe?" said the bird.
In a matter of moments, Meyer had placed
five hundred dollars down on the counter
and carried the parrot in his cage away with
him. All night he talked with the parrot. In
Yiddish. He told the parrot about his father's
adventures coming to America. About how
beautiful his mother was when she was a
young bride. About his family. About his
years of working in the garment center.
About Florida. The parrot listened and
commented. They shared some walnuts.
The parrot told him of living in the pet store,
how he hated the weekends. They both
went to sleep.
Next morning, Meyer began to put on his
tfillin all the while, saying his prayers. The
parrot demanded to know what he was
doing and when Meyer explained, the parrot
wanted some too. Meyer went out and
hand-made a miniature set of tfillin for the
parrot. The parrot wanted to learn to daven (**),
and learned every prayer. He wanted to
learn to read Hebrew so Meyer spent weeks
and months, sitting and teaching the parrot,
teaching him Torah. In time, Meyer came
to love and count on the parrot as a friend
and a Jew. He had been saved.
One morning, on Rosh HaShana, Meyer
rose and got dressed and was about to
leave when the parrot demanded to go with
him. Meyer explained that Shul (**) was not
place for a bird but the parrot made a terrific
argument and was carried to Shul on Meyer's
shoulder. Needless to say, they made quite
a spectacle, and Meyer was questioned by
everyone, including the Rabbi and Cantor.
They refused to allow a bird into the building
on the High Holy Days but Meyer convinced
them to let him in this one time, swearing
that parrot could daven. Wagers were made
with Meyer. Thousands of dollars were bet
(even odds) that the parrot could NOT daven,
could not speak Yiddish or Hebrew, etc.
All eyes were on the African Grey during
services. The parrot perched on Meyer's
shoulder as one prayer and song passed -
Meyer heard not a peep from the bird. He
began to become annoyed, slapping at his
shoulder and mumbling under his
breath, "Daven!"
Nothing.
"Daven...parrot, you can daven, so daven...
Come on, everybody's looking at you!"
Nothing.
After Rosh HaShanah services were concluded,
Meyer found that he owed his Shul buddies and
the Rabbi over four thousand dollars. He
marched home, upset as hell, saying nothing.
Finally several blocks from the Temple the bird
began to sing an old Yiddish song and was
happy as a lark. Meyer stopped and looked
at him.
"You miserable bird, you cost me over four
thousand dollars! Why? After I made your
tfillin and taught you the morning prayers, and
taught you to read Hebrew and the Torah. And
after you begged me to bring you to Shul on
Rosh Hashana, why? Why did you do this to
me? Why?"
"Don't be a schmuck (**)," the parrot replied.
"Think of the odds on Yom Kippur!" (**)
Dictionary by LadyHawke
** Yom Kippur - Day of Atonement. It
follows Rosh HaShana by 10 days.
** Tfillin - a part of religious attire worn by
men on their foreheads.
** Daven - to pray, in Hebrew.
** Torah - The Five Books of Moses, The
Old Testament.
** Shul - a synagogue.
** Putzel, Schmuck - penis, prick... with
all the implications thereof.
** Shofar - a ram horn blown during Rosh
HaShanah services.
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