Subject: "Do You Know Me?"
From: Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Date: Tue Nov 09 1999 - 18:48:37 EST
"True Anecdote from Subscriber"
When my grandmother was in her eighties,
she decided to move to Israel. As part of
the preparations, she went to see her doctor
and get all her charts. The doctor asked her
how she was doing, so she gave him the
litany of complaints -- this hurts, that's stiff,
I'm tireder and slower, etc., etc., etc.
He responded with, "Mrs. Weiss, you have
to expect things to start deteriorating. After
all, who wants to live to 100?"
My grandmother looked him straight in the
eye and replied, "Anyone who's 99."
********************************************************
"Do You Know Me?"
A small town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand in a trial - a grand
motherly, elderly woman. He approached her
and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you
Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were
a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your
wife, you manipulate people, and talk about
them behind their backs. You think you're a
rising big shot when you haven't the brains
to realize you never will amount to anything
more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I
know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what
else to do, he pointed across the room and
asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the
defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known
Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. I
used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he,
too, has been a real disappointment to me.
He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking
problem. The man can't build a normal
relationship with anyone and his law practice
is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes,
I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom
to silence, and called both counselors to the
bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with
menace, "If either of you asks her if she
knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
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