Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Sun, 30 May 1999 08:22:00 -0400
LadyHawke's Reflection du Jour on Aging
{Copyright 1999, Irene A Mystery}
"Near The Supermarket."
I saw an elderly lady leaning against the wall as I
approached the supermarket entrance. She held
no packages & just stood there. Her whole body
was very frail. A strong gust of wind would probably
knock her over. She didn't look particularly healthy,
with her pale complexion and several patches of
extremely dry cracked skin on her forehead which
was too prominently illuminated by the unforgiving Sun.
There were actually traces of dry blood in the cracks
made only too visible by her thinning hair. Worrying
that she might have some medical problem and is
unable to walk, I asked her if she was all right.
"Oh, I'm all right," she replied while practically
grabbing my hand for support.
"Are you sure you're all right?" I repeated, not quite
wanting to leave her alone just standing there.
"Thank you. Thank you very much!" she smiled and
patted my hand, "I'm waiting for my daughter in law."
She appeared to be very happy that someone
actually talked to her. I nodded, smiled back at her,
and went about my business of grocery shopping.
Unable to forget those scar-looking cracks on her
forehead, I thought about indecency of what aging
does to people. Where does the beauty go? I
wondered for 1,000,000th time, "Do I *really* want
to be that old, sick, and frail and, maybe, rely on
kindness of strangers for support?"
I think not.
LadyHawke
************************************************************
"Aging -- So Few Are Spared!"
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything
else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out...
You're getting old when you don't care where your
spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go
along.
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun - and fun a
lot more work.
Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are
five women to every man. Isn't that the darndest time
for a guy to get those odds?
You know you're getting on in years when the girls at
the office start confiding in you.
Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get
tired.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.
Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both
ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
Of course I'm against sin; I'm against anything that
I'm too old to enjoy.
Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion
that never ends. What could hell possibly be like?
Home videos of the same reunion?
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned
to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and
choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
You know you're into middle age when you realize
that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need
to take a laxative.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow
older, it will avoid you.
The aging process could be slowed down if it had to
work its way through Congress.
You're getting old when "getting lucky" means you
find your car in the parking lot.
You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker, and
you can't get it started.
You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for
Lent, and you don't know till the 4th of July.
You're getting old when you wake up with that
morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the
night before.
The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news -
the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember
anything.
You know you're getting old when you stop buying
green bananas because it's too risky of an investment.
Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I
spent all my money.
There are three signs of old age. The first is one's loss
of memory, the other two I forget.
************************************************************
"100 Years Old"
The 100 year old man was having a big birthday
party at his nursing home. A TV crew was there
to interview the man on this special day.
Reporter: Please tell our audience how you
managed to live so long.
Old Man: I don't ever drink. I never smoked, and
I stayed away from wild women.
Just then there was a loud shriek in the hall. The
crew turned to see a nurse run by, followed by an
agile looking older man with a foul smelling cigar
in one hand and spilling what smelled like whisky
from the glass in his other hand. He pauses for a
moment, looks at the crowd and lets out a hardy
"Hee, hee, HEE!" and continues the pursuit.
Reporter: What was that all about?!?
Old Man: Please excuse that, my father gets out
of control sometimes.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Sun May 30 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT