Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Thu, 20 May 1999 19:04:50 -0400
"The Beeping Incident"
Hey Buddy,
There was a little "incident" at your house today
while you were gone. Please allow me to explain:
I was watching T.V., and I heard this beeping going
off in the kitchen. The first thing I thought of was the
smoke detector going off so I ran into the kitchen
and checked everything out. By the time I got to the
kitchen, the beeping had stopped, and I couldn't
smell any smoke.
I went back to watching my movie, and I kept hearing
a beep every minute. I knew that the type of smoke
detector that you have is the type that took a few
minutes to reset itself. I kept watching my movie, and
about 10 minutes later I was really getting my self in a
bunchy twitch cause that beeping continued.
I paused the movie, ran out to the kitchen, unhooked
the detector, and went back to the movie.
The beeping continued.
Having a college degree in electronics, I knew that the
capacitors could hold a charge after the batteries were
removed. About 20 minutes later, I was really getting
heat stroke because I could still hear the beeping. And
I got so mad, I went out and grabbed a pair of wire
cutters and cut the measly spud pocket speaker off
the smoke detector and left it sitting on the counter.
I sat back down and heard "beep".
Now I was hairless.. Just dang fuming. I listened to that
hairless "beep" about three more times, then I finally got
a hammer and pounded the ever-loving life out of your
hairless smoke detector on the counter (while I was
pounding I heard "beep").
It was really getting me mad. I sat back down and
resumed the movie and sure enough "beep". I had the
wire cutters in my hand and I went out (curious to see
what the heck could still be running it) and cut all the
little parts into teeny tiny weenie pieces, and put half into
a little plastic container and left half on the counter. I
took half the parts over to the living room thinking if it
beeps I know it's these, and half the parts I left on the
counter knowing it would be them.
In moments I heard the parts in the kitchen beep. So I
took them into the living room and spread them on the
table, staring at them, saying to myself "the hairless
part that beeps will get smashed" Not three seconds
later, the parts I just had, now on the counter in the
kitchen beeped. I was furious. I thought to myself,
"This smoke detector is possessed." I brought all the
parts into the living room and laid them out on the
coffee table. I was staring at them, just waiting for one
of them to beep so I could smash the snot out of it.
All of a sudden, I hear "beep," but it was coming from
the kitchen. I walked out there, all freaked out. I just
waited.. and waited.. it seemed like hours but was
only 30 seconds later, I heard the mystifying "beep"
coming from your jacket. I looked in the jacket, and
it was your beeper that you had left at home by accident.
All I could do was take my hammer and beat the ever-
loving snot out of your beeper because *I* was the one
who paged you. {sorry}
***********************************************************
"Looking For Lucille"
One of my friends works in the customer service
call center of a national pager company. He deals
with the usual complaints regarding poor pager
operation, as well as the occasional crank caller
demanding to be paged less often, more often,
or by more interesting people.
The best call came from a man who repeatedly
complained that he keeps being paged by "Lucille."
He was instructed that he would have to call her
and tell her to stop paging him.
"She don't never leave no number, so I can't call
her back," he said.
After three such calls, someone thought to ask
how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a
number.
"She leaves her name," was the reply.
After establishing that the customer had a numeric-
only pager, the light bulb came on.
"How does she spell her name?" the service rep
asked.
"L-O-W C-E-L-L"
Another problem solved.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Fri May 21 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT