Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Mon, 17 May 1999 16:09:53 -0400
"New Catch Phrases at Work"
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged
by your unique point of view.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's
hard to pronounce.
Any connection between your reality and mine
is purely coincidental.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't
give a damn.
What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh
nervously and change the subject.
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your
mouth.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions
I had about you.
It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma
to burn off.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are
largely ceremonial.
No, my powers can only be used for good.
How about never? Is never good for you?
I'm really easy to get along with once you
people learn to worship me.
You sound reasonable... Time to up my
medication. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being
smarter.
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a
message...
I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
Who me? I just wander from room to room.
My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without
my toys!
It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the
cellular level I'm really quite busy.
At least I have a positive attitude about my
destructive habits.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of
strangers.
I see you've set aside this special time to
humiliate yourself in public.
************************************************************
"Daily Exercise For The Nonathletic"
Calories can be burned by the hundreds by
engaging in strenuous activities that do not
require physical exercise.
Exercise..............................Calories burned per hour
Beating around the bush............................75
Jumping to conclusions...........................100
Climbing the walls....................................150
Swallowing your pride................................50
Passing the buck........................................25
Throwing your weight around
(depending on your weight).....................50-300
Dragging your heels.................................100
Pushing your luck......................................250
Making Mountains out of molehills..........500
Hitting the nail on the head.........................50
Wading through paperwork......................300
Bending over backwards............................75
Jumping on the bandwagon......................200
Balancing the books...................................25
Running around in circles..........................350
Eating crow................................................225
Tooting your own horn.................................25
Climbing the ladder of success..................750
Pulling out the stops....................................75
Adding fuel to the fire................................160
Wrapping it up at the day's end..................12
To which you may want to add your own favorite
activities, including:
Opening a can of worms ............................50
Putting your foot in your mouth.................300
Starting the ball rolling.................................90
Going over the edge....................................25
Picking up the pieces after.........................350
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Tue May 18 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT