Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Mon, 22 Mar 1999 21:35:43 -0500
"The AOL Oath"
Raise your mouse in your right hand, put
your left hand over your heart and repeat:
I, (state your name), promise to be online
at all possible times.
To answer all mail from people I know.
To boldly Surf, Click, Check, Search, Chat,
:o), {}, BRB and any others LOL, ROTF,
like nobody has done before.
I will be pleasant and kind to all AOL members
(except the cyber geeks, unless I'm really
in the mood).
I will remember screen names as I would
my own parents names.
(Children? Who's got time?)
I am addicted and I vow to complete my quest
to find out who the heck General Fault is,
and why is he in my damn Computer.
So help me Bill Gates.
Amen
**********************************************************
"Do You Need Help???"
Hello.
Yes, you. You, looking at this screen for hours on
end, online. You, bleary-eyed. You, an addict. Have
you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know
what day of the week it is?
Your name was given to us by a spouse or family
member who is concerned about your Internet
addiction. At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can
help. We're a non-profit society of recovering
addicts like yourself that provides support and
counseling through weekly meetings designed to
help you cope with your problem.
We feature a twelve-step recovery program and in
extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm
belief that you are never "cured," you most certainly
can recover.
We have designed a brief checklist to determine
IF you are an addict.
Do you:
1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by
your terminal?
2) Check e-mail more than five times a day?
3) Spend more time chatting than eating or
sleeping?
4) Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to
be online?
5) Leave your name and information at countless
sites if only to hope you'll receive a reply one day
from a company you'll never do business with
anyway?
6) Log on before important personal habits, such
as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions?
7) Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out
of your head?
8) Spend hours online on a holiday from work,
where you'd usually be griping about your carpal
tunnel syndrome?
9) See smoke arising from your computer or
WebTV box?
10) All of the above?
If you answered yes to four or more questions
(or chose #10), you have a problem. Please call
us at Internetaholics Anonymous at:
1-800-LOGOFFNOWFORSWEETJESUSSAKES.
We're here, we're free, and we're confidential. The
first step to recovery is admission that you have
a problem.
Call us today.
If you can power off to free up your phone line, that is.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Mon Mar 22 1999 - 21:46:21 EST