Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Thu, 18 Mar 1999 16:48:52 -0500
"Giving to Charity?"
The local United Way office realized that it
had never received a donation from the
town's most successful lawyer.
A local volunteer calls to solicit his donation,
saying, "Our research shows that even though
your annual income is over a million dollars,
you do not give one penny to charity! Wouldn't
you like to give back to your community
through The United Way?"
The lawyer thinks for a moment and says:
"First, did your research show that my mother
is dying after a long, painful illness and has huge
medical bills far beyond her ability to pay?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles,
"Uh, no."
"Secondly, that my brother, a disabled veteran,
is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is
unable to support his wife and six children?"
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer
an apology but is cut off.
"Thirdly, that my sister's husband died in a dreadful
traffic accident", the lawyers voice rising in
indignation, "leaving her penniless with a
mortgage and three children?"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten,
says simply, "I had no idea."
The lawyer then says, "Well then... and if I don't
give any money to THEM, why should I give any
to you?"
**********************************************************
"The Dying Man's Wish"
A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill,
summons to his bedside his three closest
advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer.
"I know," he says, "they say you can't take it
with you. But who knows? Suppose they're
mistaken. I'd like to have something with me,
just in case. So I am giving each of you an
envelope containing one hundred thousand
dollars and I would be grateful if at my funeral
you would put the envelopes in my coffin, so that
if it turns out that it's useful, I'll have something.
They each agree to carry out his wish.
Sure enough, after just a few weeks, the old
man passes away. At his funeral, each of the
three advisors is seen slipping something into
the coffin. After the burial, as the three are walking
away together, the doctor turns to the other two
and says, "Friends, I have a confession to make.
As you know, at the hospital we are desperate
because of the cutbacks in funding. Our CAT
SCAN machine broke down and we haven't be
able to get a new one. So, I took $20,000 of our
friend's money for a new CAT SCAN and put
the rest in the coffin as he asked."
At this the priest says, "I, too, have a confession
to make. As you know, our church is simply
overwhelmed by the problem of the homeless.
The needs keep increasing and we have
nowhere to turn. So I took $50,000 from the
envelope for our homeless fund and put the
rest in the coffin as our friend requested."
Fixing the other two in his gaze, the lawyer
says, "I am astonished and deeply disappointed
that you would treat so casually our solemn
undertaking to our friend. I want you to know
that I placed in his coffin my personal check
for the full one hundred thousand dollars."
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Mon Mar 22 1999 - 09:00:40 EST