Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Thu, 04 Mar 1999 09:04:57 -0500
He should have known that there is nothing better than
a redhead! {giggles}
LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Lose Weight Program"
A rather hefty man had been trying to lose weight for some
time, but never really had any luck with it. He tried the Navy
diet, the Mayo clinic diet, Jenny Craig, but none of it had
worked for him. One day while sitting at home reading the
paper, he reads a small article, "Lose weight, Only a dollar
a pound. Call Today!!!"
On a whim, he calls the number and is asked, "How much
weight would you like to lose?" Not wanting to go overboard
on something he knows so little about, he answers with a
modest, "Ten pounds." "Ok, we'll need your address and
your credit card number, and a representative will be over
in the morning."
The next morning, at nine, there is a knock on his door. Upon
opening it he discovers a gorgeous blonde, wearing nothing
but a smile, and holding a sign that reads, "If you catch me,
you can have me." A chase commences. They run upstairs,
downstairs, over the couch, through the kitchen, across the
den... Finally, he catches her, though he's panting like a dog.
As soon as he's done having his fun with her, she tells him,
"Quick, go in the bathroom and weigh yourself!" And he's lost
exactly ten pounds, to the ounce!
That evening, the still slightly over weight man calls up again.
"How much weight would you like to lose?" "Twenty pounds,"
He answers enthusiastically. "Ok, we'll need your address and
credit card number, and a representative will be at your home
in the morning."
The next morning at eight, there is a knock on his door. This
time it is an even better looking exquisite red head wearing
nothing but tennis shoes. And holding a sign that says, "If
you catch me, you can have me." The chase ensues. Upstairs,
downstairs, over the couch, through the kitchen, across the
den... Finally, he catches her, though he nearly passes out this
time. As soon he's had his fun with her, she tells him, "Quickly,
run in the bathroom and weigh yourself!" And, he's lost another
twenty pounds!
That night the now not-too-bad-looking man, decides that if
twenty got him that, this time he'll go all the way. So, he calls
up again. "How much weight would you like to lose, sir?" "Fifty
pounds!" he answers. "Are you sure sir?" responds the voice
on the phone, "That's an awful lot of weight to lose at one time..."
"I'm sure," he tells her, "Here's my credit card number, now
have a representative over here in the morning." The next day
at six, he awakens to shower and shave, before the arrival of
the next rep. At seven there is a knock on the door, he opens
it to find .......a large gorilla there, with a sign that reads,
"IF I CATCH YOU, I CAN HAVE *YOU*!!!"
************************************************************
"Have You Ever?"
Two sailors on shore leave, walking down the street.
They spot a beautiful blonde walking by.
First sailor asks his friend, "Have you ever slept with
a blonde?"
Second sailor replies that he, indeed, has.
They walk on further and see an even more beautiful
brunette.
First sailor, "Have you ever slept with a brunette?"
Second sailor, "Why yes, in fact I've slept with
brunettes on many occasions"
They walk on a little further, and see a gorgeous
redhead, who leaves the other two girls for dead.
First sailor, "Have you ever slept with a redhead
then?"
His companion looks at him with surprise and
replies, "Not a wink!"
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Fri Mar 05 1999 - 09:00:01 EST