Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Fri, 04 Jun 1999 20:11:56 -0400
"A Farmer's Divorce"
A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to
file for a divorce.
The attorney asked, "May I help you?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those
dayvorces."
The attorney said, "Well, do you have any grounds?"
The farmer said, "Yeah, I got about 140 acres."
The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you
have a case?"
The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have
a John Deere."
The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, I mean
do you have a grudge?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I got a grudge, that's where
I park my John Deere."
The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it
to church on Sundays."
The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your
wife beat you up or anything?"
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."
Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this
way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"
And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a
meaningful conversation with her."
**********************************************************
"A Shot In The Dark....."
A young farmer was newly married, and the couple
couldn't get enough sex. Just before leaving the
house for the fields at dawn, they made love, and
when he returned home in the evening they had
another go - before and after supper, and maybe
a couple more times during the night.
The problem was, during the day, the fields were a
long way from the house, and the young man lost too
much time traveling home and back again at noon,
so he decided to consult a friend (the town's doctor)
about what to do.
"Easiest thing in the world, Homer," said the doctor.
"You take your rifle out with you every day don't you?
Well, when you feel like you're in the mood for some
lovin', just fire a shot into the air as a signal to
your wife, for her to come out to you. That way you
won't lose any workin' time."
Homer tried this, and it seemed to work pretty good
for a while. One day, though, the doctor stopped by
the house to pay a visit and he noticed Homer sitting
alone inside looking very remorse.
"What's wrong?" he asked. "Didn't my idea work?
And where's your wife?"
"Oh, it worked," said Homer. "Whenever I got in the
mood, I fired off a shot like you said, and Becky'd
come runnin'. Then we'd find a secluded place and
make love like there was no tomorrow. Then
Becky'd go back home."
"So what's the problem?"
"Well, I think I overdid it, Doc. I ain't seen hide
nor hair of Becky since huntin' season started..."
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Sat Jun 05 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT