Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Sun, 04 Jul 1999 01:17:59 -0400
"Letter to Thomas Jefferson"
The Court of King George III
London, England
July 10, 1776
Mr. Thomas Jefferson
c/o The Continental Congress
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Dear Mr. Jefferson:
We have read your "Declaration of Independence"
with great interest. Certainly, it represents a
considerable undertaking, and many of your
statements do merit serious consideration.
Unfortunately, the Declaration as a whole fails
to meet recently adopted specifications for
proposals to the Crown, so we must return the
document to you for further refinement.
The questions which follow might assist you in
your process of revision:
1. In your opening paragraph you use the phrase
"the Laws of Nature and Nature's God. "What
are these laws? In what way are they the criteria
on which you base your central arguments?
Please document with citations from the recent
literature.
2. In the same paragraph you refer to the
"opinions of mankind." Whose polling data are
you using? Without specific evidence, it seems
to us the "opinions of mankind" are a matter
of opinion.
3. You hold certain truths to be "self-evident."
Could you please elaborate. If they are as
evident as you claim then it should not be
difficult for you to locate the appropriate
supporting statistics.
4. "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness"
seem to be the goals of your proposal. These
are not measurable goals. If you were to say
that "among these is the ability to sustain an
average life expectancy in six of the 13 colonies
of at least 55 years, and to enable newspapers
in the colonies to print news without outside
interference, and to raise the average income
of the colonists by 10 percent in the next 10
years," these could be measurable goals.
Please clarify.
5. You state that "Whenever any Form of
Government becomes destructive of
these ends, it is the Right of the People to
alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new
Government...." Have you weighed this
assertion against all the alternatives?
What are the trade - off considerations?
6. Your description of the existing situation
is quite extensive. Such a long list of
grievances should precede the statement
of goals, not follow it. Your problem
statement needs improvement.
7. Your strategy for achieving your goal is
not developed at all. You state that the
colonies "ought to be Free and Independent
States," and that they are "Absolved from All
Allegiance to the British Crown." Who or
what must change to achieve this objective?
In what way must they change? What specific
steps will you take to overcome the resistance?
How long will it take? We have found that a
little foresight in these areas helps to prevent
careless errors later on. How cost- effective
are your strategies?
8. Who among the list of signatories will be
responsible for implementing your strategy?
Who conceived it? Who provided the
theoretical research? Who will constitute the
advisory committee? Please submit an
organization chart and vitas of the principal
investigators.
9. You must include an evaluation design.
We have been requiring this since Queen
Anne's War.
10. What impact will your problem have?
Your failure to include any assessment of
this inspires little confidence in the long-
range prospects of your undertaking.
11. Please submit a PERT diagram, an
activity chart, itemized budget, and manpower
utilization matrix.
We hope that these comments prove useful
in revising your "Declaration of Independence."
We welcome the submission of your revised
proposal. Our due date for unsolicited proposals
is July 31, 1776. Ten copies with original
signatures will be required.
Sincerely,
Management Analyst to the British Crown
************************************************************
"July 3rd In History"
On this day in 1608 Champlain founded the first
European settlement on the site of what is now
Quebec. All the signs were in French in spite of
nearby English settlements. Just like today.
Air Conditioning Appreciation Days begin today
and continue through the hottest days of summer.
Thanks to air conditioning we can breathe cool,
clean air all summer long for only pennies per
breath.
Actor Tom Cruise was born on the 3rd of July
in 1962. He wanted to be born on the 4th of July,
but his mom worked at the post office and
delivered a day early. Postal employees just
won't deliver on a holiday.
Roy Rogers' horse Trigger died at age 33 on this
date in 1965. Roy and Trigger were inseparable,
which made things very difficult for Roy's wife,
Dale Evans. Whenever Dale wanted to horse
around, there was always a horse around.
Dog Days begins today. According to legend,
Dogs Days are the hottest days of summer, an
evil time when the sea boils, wine turns sour,
dogs grow mad, and all creatures become
droopy and listless. So have a nice day.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Mon Jul 05 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT