Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Thu, 28 Jan 1999 08:56:09 -0500
I love computers. Why? Because they do exactly
what I tell them to do...
LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Computer Term Dictionary"
586: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art: Any computer you can't afford.
Obsolete: Any computer you own.
Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art
computer to become obsolete.
G3: Apple's new Macs that make you say, "Gee, it's
three times faster than the computer I bought for the
same price a microsecond ago."
Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and
saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is
no object."
Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer
salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.
GUI (pronounced "gooey"): What your computer
becomes after spilling your coke on it.
Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer
errors easier to generate.
Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a
computer.
Portable Computer: A device invented to force
businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on
business trips.
Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical
deadline.
System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your
software.
***********************************************************
"Layman's Computer Terms"
BIT: A word used to describe computers, as in "Our
son's computer cost quite a bit."
BOOT: What your friends give you because you
spend too much time bragging about your computer
skills.
BUG: What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny
green computer screen for more than 15 minutes.
Also: what computer magazine companies do to
you after they get your name on their mailing list.
CHIPS: The fattening, non-nutritional food computer
users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards
for meals.
COPY: What you have to do during school tests
because you spend too much time at the computer
and not enough time studying.
CURSOR: What you turn into when you can't get
your computer to perform, as in "You $#% computer!"
DISK: What goes out in your back after bending
over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.
DUMP: The place all your former hobbies wind up
soon after you install your computer.
ERROR: What you made the first time you walked
into a computer showroom to "just look."
EXPANSION UNIT: The new room you have to
build on to your home to house your computer and
all its peripherals.
FILE: What your secretary can now do to her nails
six and a half hours a day, now that the computer
does her day's work in 30 minutes.
FLOPPY: The condition of a constant computer
user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a
steady diet of junk food (see Chips").
HARDWARE: Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes
and other heavy equipment you haven't laid a finger
on since getting your computer.
IBM: The kind of missile your family members and
friends would like to drop on your computer so
you'll pay attention to them again.
MENU: What you'll never see again after buying
a computer because you'll be too poor to eat in a
restaurant.
MONITOR: Often thought to be a word associated
with computers, this word actually refers to those
obnoxious kids who always want to see your hall
pass at school.
PROGRAMS: Those things you used to look at on
your television before you hooked your computer
up to it.
RETURN: What lots of people do with their
computers after only a week and a half.
TERMINAL: A place where you can find buses,
trains and really good deals on hot computers.
WINDOW: What you heave the computer out of
after you accidentally erase a program that took
you three days to set up.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Thu Jan 28 1999 - 09:00:02 EST