Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Tue, 26 Jan 1999 10:34:47 -0500
Last year, after I ran the "How To Annoy The IRS..."
joke, I received:
1. A few of nasty letters from IRS workers who
blasted my butt for perpetuating hatred for the IRS.
{Huh? I didn't do it! Honest! It's just a joke!}
2. A few *thank you* notes from the IRS agents
who actually had a sense of humor and promised
to circulate the list at work.
3. Several "guilt" letters such as, "How could you!
You're a Tax Accountant!"
4. A zillion of further suggestions on what to do
with tax returns. Most of these suggestions are
*not* printable.
Personally, I wouldn't recommend doing any of it,
but it's fun to fantasize, isn't it?
LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"A Flag As A Tax Symbol?"
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American
friend and was jokingly explaining about the red,
white and blue in the Netherlands flag.
"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get
red when we talk about them, white when we get our
tax bill, and blue after we pay them."
"Oh, that's the same with us," nodded the American,
"Only we see stars, too!"
<>*<>*<>*<>*<> Quickie du Jour <>*<>*<>*<>*<><>*<>*<>*<>
"Dear IRS: I would like to cancel my subscription.
Please remove my name from your mailing list..."
Don't you wish you *could* do that? - ^v^ LadyHawke
<><>*<>*<>*<>*<><>*<>*<>*<>*<><>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>
"How To Annoy The IRS (Without Getting In Trouble!)"
Well, it's tax time again, boys and girls. So cough it up
if you haven't already! But no one says you have to go
gentle into that dark night. Here are some hints on how
to annoy the IRS if you owe them money...
1. Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead
and put them down the whole right side. The extractors
who remove the mail from the envelopes have to take
out any staples on the right side.
2. Never arrange paperwork in the right order, or even
facing the right way. Put a few upside down and
backwards. That way they have to remove all your
staples, rearrange your paperwork and re-staple it
(on the left side).
3. Line the bottom of your envelope with Elmer's glue
and let it dry before you put in you forms, so that the
automated opener doesn't open it and the extractor
has to open it by hand.
4. If you're very unfortunate and have to pay taxes, use
a two or three party check. On top of paying with a third
party check, pay one of the dollars you owe in cash.
When an extractor receives cash, no matter how small
an amount, s/he has to take it to a special desk and fill
out of few nasty forms.
5. Write a little letter of appreciation. Any letter received
has to be read and stamped regardless of what it is or
what it's on.
6. Write your letter on something misshapen and
unconventional. Like on the back of a Kroger sack.
7. When you mail it, mail it in a big envelope (even if its
just a single EZ form). Big envelopes have to be torn
and sorted differently than regular business size ones.
An added bonus to the big envelope is that they take
priority over other mail, so the workers can hurry up and
deal with your mess.
8. If you send two checks, they'll have to staple your
unsightly envelope to your half destroyed form.
9. Always put extra paper clips on your forms. Any foreign
fasteners or the like have to be removed and put away.
10. Sign your name in ink on every page. Any signature
has to be verified and then date stamped.
These are just a few of the fun and exciting things you can
do with the IRS. These methods are *only* recommended
when you owe money.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Wed Jan 27 1999 - 09:00:02 EST