Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Mon, 22 Feb 1999 13:16:53 -0500
Ahhh, life's little annoyances... How pleasant they are...
NOT!
LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Don't You Hate it When..."
You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that
stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
The person behind you in the supermarket runs
his cart into the back of your ankle.
The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets
on.
There's always a car riding your tail when you're
slowing down to find an address.
You open a can of soup, and the lid falls in.
It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you
don't realize it till you walk across your living room
rug.
There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at
EVERYTHING.
You can never put anything back in a box the way
it came.
Three hours and three meetings after lunch you
look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley
stuck to your front tooth.
You drink from a soda can into which someone
has extinguished a cigarette.
You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're
trying to get a reading.
A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing
near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every
time you move away.
There are always one or two ice cubes that won't
pop out of the tray.
You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket
and your entire laundry comes out covered with
lint.
The car behind you blasts its horn because you
let a pedestrian finish crossing.
A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical
contact with your filling.
You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm
instead of 7am.
The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that
song.
You rub on hand cream and can't turn the
bathroom doorknob to get out.
People behind you on a supermarket line dash
ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
You can't look up the correct spelling of a word
in the dictionary because you don't know how to
spell it.
You have to inform five different sales people in
the same store that you're just browsing.
You had that pen in your hand only a second ago,
and now you can't find it.
You reach under the table to pick something off
the floor and smash your head on the way up.
************************************************************
"Natural Laws?"
"The Law of Volunteering"
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let
him lead.
"The Law of Avoiding Oversell"
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave
room for the mouse.
"The Law of Common Sense"
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
"The Law of Reality"
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have
nothing to lose.
"The Law of Self Sacrifice"
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
"The Law of Motivation"
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
"Boob's Law"
You always find something in the last place you
look.
"Weiler's Law"
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't
have to do it himself.
"Law of Probable Dispersal"
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
"Law of Volunteer Labor"
People are always available for work in the past
tense.
"Conway's Law"
In any organization there is one person who knows
what is going on. That person must be fired.
"Iron Law of Distribution"
Them that has, gets.
"Law of Cybernetic Entomology"
There is always one more bug.
"Law of Drunkedness"
You can't fall off the floor.
"Heller's Law"
The first myth of management is that it exists.
"Osborne's Law"
Variables won't; constants aren't.
"Main's Law"
For every action there is an equal and opposite
government program.
"Weinberg's Second Law"
If builders built buildings the way programmers
wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that
came along would have destroyed civilization.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Tue Feb 23 1999 - 09:00:09 EST