Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Sat, 13 Feb 1999 08:20:36 -0500
"25 Things Women Want To Hear In 1999"
1. Gee Sweetheart, let's skip dinner tonight. The only
thing I'm hungry for is you.
2. Wow, I just don't know what to do with this money
we won in the lottery, so why don't you take it to the
mall and see if you can find something to buy with it.
3. Hey, how about inviting your mother to spend the
summer with us.
4. Oh, go ahead and eat that third piece of chocolate
cream pie. If it's one thing I hate it's skinny women.
5. What luck, they had a special rental rate at the video
store on romance movies.
6. How about I give you a nice massage and foot rub.
I really don't like sex that much anyway. (Huh?? - ^v^)
7. You know, that Pam Anderson just doesn't seem to
have the brain power that I find so attractive in a woman.
8. What a break, I won a prize on the radio station....
tickets to either the super bowl or the opening of the
New York Ballet. I got first choice so pack your bags
for New York, we get to go to the ballet!!!
9. Be careful Darling...don't let it go too far down
your throat.
10. Who wants to play golf when I can get to see
how good the lawn looks when it's freshly mowed.
11. While your up Sweetheart, can you get me a
glass of water. I think I've had enough beer.
12. Shoot, there's nothing on TV but football games.
Let's go furniture shopping.
13. There ought to be a law against those porno
movies. Can you believe that there are guys that
would actually want their wives to do those things
they show?
14. Man I tell you, nothing feels better than getting
all spruced up in a suit and tie.
15. I'm getting a little tired of steak on the grill. How
about a nice quiche?
16. You know, I think I'd really prefer the four-door
sedan to that impractical Corvette.
17. Look at that... disgusting. Why would she wear
a short skirt like that with no panties?
18. Golly I think we're lost. Let me find a gas station
to ask for directions.
19. My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why don't
you use the money my parents gave us to get
something nice for the house.
20. If the guys call and want me to go to that new
strip club with them, tell them I'm busy. I really want
to get the living room painted tonight.
21. You know Sweetheart, I'm really glad you don't
like doing all those dirty things they write about in
those stupid sex advice columns.
22. Sports cars are just such stupid little toys for
men who have never really grown up.
23. If you're looking for me later, I'll be over there
looking at the home decorating magazines.
24. You know, we really don't visit your relatives
enough.
25. Why don't you relax this weekend. I'll take care
of the cooking and housework.
***********************************************************
Today's second portion of Joke du Jour is provided by
our sister publication, Recipe du Jour. To subscribe
send a blank email to recipedujour-subscribe@listbot.com
Rich's Note: Today's recipe is for guys only. Ladies, you
go off and do something else while I give the ingredients
and directions. Okay? Go on. No peeking. . .
Are they gone?
Okay guys. After 24 years of marriage I've learned a couple
of things about women (usually the hard way). One is that
Valentine's Day is kind of special to women. It's not so much
that you take them to a fancy restaurant or buy them 20
dozen red roses or present them with some dentist dreaded
chocolates. What matters is that you be *romantic*. Show
them that you love them and care for them. What follows is
a recipe that I happened to come up with one year. It
worked better than I ever expected.
VALENTINE'S DAY RECIPE
2 rib eye (or strip) steaks
2 baked potatoes
2 servings tossed salad
1 bottle wine
1 candle
1 rose
1 Forever Yours candy bar, sliced diagonally into
1/2-inch pieces
1 blanket
1 fire in the fireplace (optional if you don't have one)
1 Michael Bolton CD (the one with "When A Man
Loves A Woman")
If you have children, find a relative, friend, or bay sitter to take
them for the evening. Tell your woman to freshen up while
you get ready. Bake the potatoes, broil the steaks, and toss
the salad. Spread the blanket on the den floor, light the fire
and the candle, pour the wine, and enjoy these things with
your woman while sitting on the blanket as if at a picnic. For
dessert, serve the Forever Yours (making sure she knows
the name of the candy bar dessert) while telling her sweet
things. Then give her the rose and ask her to stand. Ask her
if she's ready for her present.
When she nods, reach back and hit the button on the CD
player. (You did anticipate this and cue up "When a Man
Loves a Woman," right?) When the music starts, take her
in your arms and dance with her.
Though the above is particularly effective when times are
tight and you maybe can't afford the expensive dining out,
etc., it can be just as meaningful when money is not a
problem. Women like the romance of such a thing. They
appreciate the thoughtfulness of you going out of the way
to create a magic moment for them. They will tell their
friends what a wonderful sweetie you are. And you know
what? The best part is that you'll enjoy making her happy.
Feel free to vary the ingredients and/or adapt the directions.
Serves 2.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Sat Feb 13 1999 - 09:00:04 EST