Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Fri, 12 Feb 1999 10:50:47 -0500
Why Men Can't Win and How They Could.... Gosh,
a little more, and I will be writing a love manual.
Hmmm... That's not such a bad idea. "LadyHawke's
Insights to Dating." Any takers?
LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Why Men Can't Win"
If you put a woman on a pedestal and
try to protect her from the rat race,
you are a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework,
you are a pansy.
If you work too hard,
there is never any time for her..
If you don't work enough,
you are a good for nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay,
this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay,
you should get off your rear
and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her,
that is favoritism.
If she gets job ahead of you,
it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks,
it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you are a wimp.
If you don't, you are an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her,
you are a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you,
she's liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something
she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form
and frilly underwear, you are a pervert.
If you don't, you are a fag.
If you like a woman to shave her legs
and keep in shape, you are a sexist.
If you don't, you are unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain.
If you don't, you are a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you are after something.
If you don't, you are not thoughtful.
If you are proud of your achievements,
you are up yourself.
If you don't, you are not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she is tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you are oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.
***********************************************************
"Top 21 Ways To Make A Woman Fall In Love With You"
aka "How Men COULD Win!"
1. Call her the next day.
2. Always laugh at her jokes.
3. Tell her (truthfully!) that you can't wait to see her
again.
4. Offer her a back rub, without asking for one in
return.
5. Call her just to say you were thinking about her.
6. Bring her a teddy bear and chicken soup when
she's sick.
7. Write her a poem.
8. Slow dance with her (not only on a dance floor).
9. Bring her flowers for no reason.
10. Send her a (handwritten) letter just to say hello.
11. Always remember your anniversaries and bring
her something sweet.
12. Kiss her in the middle of a sentence.
13. Take her for a walk at sunset and stay to look
up at the stars.
14. Tell her something about you that no one else
knows.
15. Remind her that you still think she's beautiful.
16. Take a bubble bath together.
17. Watch a sappy movie with her.
18. Surprise her with a candlelight dinner.
19. Never stop trying to impress her.
20. Tell her you love her.
21. Never forget how much she means to you.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Sat Feb 13 1999 - 09:00:04 EST