Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Mon, 26 Apr 1999 09:43:55 -0400
"Stress Management"
Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called
"the world."
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air
with a cascade of serenity.
The water is so clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person
whose head you're holding under the water.
There now...... Feeling better?
I am...
Ahhhhhhh.....
************************************************************
"The Cynic's Guide To Life"
1. Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where
you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
2. Always take time to stop and smell the roses and
sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
3. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not
walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk
beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
4. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just
take another road. That's why the highway
department made so many of them.
5. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek.
Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.
6. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes
the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and
gag himself.
7. It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're
going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the
time to do it.
8. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard
near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls,
you can hold the receiver up to it and run your
fingernails across it until he hangs up.
9. Each day I try to enjoy something from each of
the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-
snack group, the caffeine group and the "What-ever-
the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is".
10. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when
your car windows are down.
11. Just remember: You gotta break some eggs to
make a real mess on the neighbor's car!
12. When you find yourself getting irritated with
someone, try to remember that all men are brothers
and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.
13. This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent
of pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for letting
the relatives stay over.
14. It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows
a lot.
15. Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder
to the wheel. It's a lot cheaper than plastic surgery.
16. This land is your land. This land is my land. So
stay on your land.
17. Love is like a roller coaster: When it's good you
don't want to get off, and when it isn't, you can't wait
to throw up.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Tue Apr 27 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT