Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Mon, 12 Apr 1999 08:37:26 -0400
And now, let's laugh at some new terms of the English
Language.... not!
LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"OfficeSpeak For The American Worker"
Latest terms to add to your vocabulary in the
late 90s office environment:
Blamestorming
Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline
was missed, or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Seagull Manager
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, poops
over everything and then leaves.
Salmon Day
The experience of spending an entire day swimming
upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
Chainsaw Consultant
An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee
head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.
CLM
Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to
describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while
he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. (Also
known as CLB - Career Limiting Behavior)
Adminisphere
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just
above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the
adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or
irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Dilberted
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived
from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic
strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man
revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
Flight Risk
Used to describe employees who are suspected of
planning to leave the company or department soon.
404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web
error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the
requested document could not be located. "Don't
bother asking him . . . he's 404, man."
Ohnosecond
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize
that you've just made a BIG mistake.
Percussive Maintenance
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic
device to get it to work again.
Prairie Dogging
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a
"cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's
heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
Assmosis
The process by which some people seem to absorb
success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.
***********************************************************
"Why Am I Tired?"
Something that has got me wondering...
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack
of sleep and too much pressure from my job,
but now I found out the real reason I'm tired
because I'm overworked.
The population of the U.S. is 237 million.
104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school,
which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal
government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces,
which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work
for State and City Governments and that leaves
1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals,
leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.
It's no wonder I'm tired!
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Mon Apr 12 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT