Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Sat, 10 Apr 1999 22:52:52 -0400
Come to think of it, I had a job offer from Arthur
Andersen right after I finished college. Gosh, I
could have been counting spoons...
LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"The Spoon"
I took some clients out to dinner last week, and I noticed
a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed
us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it
as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water
and tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast
pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters
and busboys had spoons in their pockets.
When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had
to ask, "Why the spoons?"
"Well," he explained, "our parent company recently
hired some Andersen Consulting efficiency experts
to review all our procedures, and after months of
statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons
drop spoons on the floor 73% more often than any
other utensil, at a frequency of 3 spoons per hour per
workstation. By preparing our workers for this
contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the
kitchen down and save time... nearly 1.5 extra
man-hours per shift."
Just as he concluded, a "ch-ching" came from the
table behind him, and he quickly replaced the fallen
spoon with the one from his pocket. "I'll grab another
spoon the next time I'm in the kitchen instead of
making a special trip," he proudly explained.
I was impressed. "Thanks, I had to ask."
"No problem," he answered. Then he continued to
take our orders.
As the members of our dinner party took their turns,
my eyes darted back and forth from each person
ordering and my menu. That's when, out of the
corner of my eye, I spotted a thin black thread
protruding from our waiter's fly. Again, I dismissed
it; yet I had to scan the room and, sure enough,
there were other waiters and busboys with strings
hanging out of their trousers.
My curiosity overrode discretion at this point, so
before he could leave I had to ask. "Excuse me,
but...uh...why, or what...about that string?"
"Oh, yeah," he began, in a quieter tone, "not many
people are that observant. That same efficiency
group found we could save time in the Men's
Room, too."
"How's that?" I asked.
"You see, by tying a string to the end of our, uh,
selves, we can pull it out at the urinals literally
hands-free and thereby eliminate the need to
wash our hands, cutting time spent in the
washroom by over 93%!"
"Hey, wait a minute. If the string helps you pull
it out, how do you get it back in?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the
other guys, but I use the spoon."
***********************************************************
"Taste My Soup. Please!"
One afternoon a waiter served a bowl of chicken
soup to an elderly gentleman. As he turned away
to return to the kitchen the customer stopped him,
calling: "Waiter!"
WAITER: "Yes,sir, is there something wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste it."
WAITER: "I beg your pardon, Sir?"
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup
is excellent."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "Sir, the soup was made this morning
of the finest ingredients."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it!"
WAITER: exasperated, "All right, Sir, I'll taste it."
Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"
To which the customer replied triumphantly,
"Ah ha!!"
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Sun Apr 11 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT