Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Wed, 07 Apr 1999 16:55:52 -0400
"Top 22 Signs You've Had Too Much of the 90s"
22. Cleaning up the dining area means getting the
fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
21. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is
that they do not have e-mail addresses.
20. Keeping up with sports entails adding ESPN's
home page to your bookmarks.
19. You have a "to do list" that includes entries for
lunch and bathroom breaks and they are usually the
ones that never get crossed off.
18. You actually faxed your Christmas list to your
parents.
17. Pick up lines now include a reference to liquid
assets and capital gains.
16. You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.
15. You assume the question to valet park or not is
rhetorical.
14. You refer to your dining room table as the flat
filing cabinet.
13. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored
post-it notes.
12. Your grocery list has been on your refrigerator so
long some of the products don't even exist any more.
11. You lecture the neighborhood kids selling
lemonade on ways to improve their profits.
10. You get all excited when it's Saturday and you
can wear sweats to work.
9. You refer to the tomatoes grown in your garden
as deliverables.
8. You find you really need PowerPoint to explain
what you do for a living.
7. You normally eat out of vending machines and
at the most expensive restaurant in town within the
same week.
6. You think that "progressing an action plan" and
"calendarizing a project" are acceptable English
phrases.
5. You know the people at the airport hotels better
than you know your next door neighbors.
4. You ask your friends to "think out of the box"
when making Friday night plans.
3. You think Einstein would have been more effective
had he put his ideas into a matrix.
2. You think a "half-day" means leaving at 5 o'clock.
And the number 1 sign you've had too much of the 90s:
1. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in
person.
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"Tidbits"
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It's not fair that
some men should be happier than others. -- Oscar
Wilde
I misplaced my dictionary. Now I'm at a loss for words.
Why does the term jerk apply only to men?
The reason I turned down an extramarital affair is
because my wife found the key to my gun cabinet.
My wife tends to leave well enough alone.
Unfortunately, things are rarely well enough.
Why do they rate a movie "R" for "adult language?"
The only people I hear using that language are
teenagers.
Homeless man's sign at corner of 14th Street: "Why
lie? I need a beer."
The difference between insane asylums and our
schools is that in the insane asylum you have to
show some improvement before you can get out.
To err is human, to moo, bovine.
I've got you beat. I saw a woman driver changing
her clothes on an exit ramp.
What comes first, new schools or portable classrooms?
I'm a New Yorker, and the first time someone asked
me if I was a Yankee, I misunderstood and said,
"No, I like the Mets."
To the person complaining about dialing 10 digits to
reach a next-door neighbor: Try walking! And we
wonder why half of the adults in America are
overweight!
Free one dollar bills! Please send $4.95 to cover
postage & handling. (Limit $1 per order).
A Columbia lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-
examination of a witness, stopped and said: "Your
honor, a juror is asleep."
The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake
him up."
I really had the urge to get in a good fight, so I
signed my whole family up to be on the Jerry
Springer Show.
Ever wonder what would happen if the people you
lie to on the Internet found out who you really are?
There's a saying in Washington that if you're not
completely confused, then you're totally uninformed.
When it snows, do the home school kids get the
day off?
Roses are red, Violet is blue. That's because
Violet is a nudist in Alaska.
I always try to count my blessing, but I am no
good at fractions.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Thu Apr 08 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT