Once upon a time, there was a man who married in
his youth the most perfect woman for him. She was
beautiful, charming, witty, independent, sexy and she
loved her husband dearly. It caused him the utmost
grief when she died not long after their marriage, and
he mourned her for many years.
In time he overcame his grief and married again, but
this woman was pretty only because of the volumes
of makeup she wore, was witty only in a painfully
sarcastic way, was independent only because she
could find no one to be dependent on, was never sexy,
and if she loved her husband, it was in the most
twisted fashion imaginable. He soon regretted his
decision to marry again, and booted the nagging witch
as quickly as possible.
After more time, the man eventually found another
woman who was at least the equal to his first wife,
if not better. He was in luck, she did not die, nor did
she prove a Harpy after the vows were made, and
they lived many happy years and had several children.
It did not take him long, in fact, to get over what had
proven to be ... a very brief mid-wife crisis.
*********************************************************
"The Investor"
An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says
to her, "I don't know how to tell you this dear, but the
stock market crashed, and I'm afraid we're broke."
The wife says, "No, we're not. Let's go for a drive into
town."
Husband replies, "Our savings are all gone and you
want is to go for a drive? Oh well, whatever. I guess
you're crazier than me." So off they go into town.
When they get there the wife points and says, "See
that office building? We own that."
Husband thinks his wife is nuts so he mumbles
something unintelligible and drives to the next area of
the city, which just happens to be the richest part of town.
Wife says again pointing, "See those five houses? We
own those."
Husband is now sure his wife is certifiably crazy so he
says, "What makes you think we own all this property?"
Wife replies, "Remember when we first got married
and for jokes you would give me $5.00 every time we
had sex? Well, I kept the money and invested it and 20
years later this is what has become of it all. Not bad, eh?"
Husband says, "Dammit woman, if I'd known you were
this good with money I'd have given you ALL my business."
~~~~~~~~~~~
Now, does he mean all 'money' business or all sex
business? Hmmm... - LadyHawke