It's a miracle the human race still exists.... ^v^
LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Populating The Earth?"
After a few days on the new Earth, the Lord called
to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin
the process of populating the earth, so I want you to
kiss her."
Adam answered, "Yes, Lord, but what is a 'kiss'?"
The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who took
Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush.
A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said,
"Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable."
And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might
enjoy that. Now, I'd like you to caress Eve."
And Adam said, "What is a 'caress'?"
So, the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and
Adam went behind the bush with Eve.
Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling,
and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss."
And the Lord said, "You've done well Adam. And
now, I want you to make love to Eve."
And Adam asked, "What is 'make love', Lord?"
So, the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam
went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he
re-appeared in two seconds.
And Adam said, "Lord, what is a 'headache'?"
********************************************************
"Why Women Scream?"
One day, the Lord decided to make a companion
for Adam. He summoned St. Peter and told him of
his decision. He told St. Peter that he wanted to
make a being who was similar to man, yet was
different, and could offer him comfort, companionship
and pleasure. The Lord said he would call this being
a woman.
So St. Peter went about creating this being which was
similar to man yet was different in ways that would be
appealing and could provide physical pleasure to man.
When St. Peter had finished creating this being who
could now be called woman he summoned The Lord.
"Ah, St. Peter, once again you have done an excellent
job," said The Lord.
"Thank You, Great One," replied St. Peter. "I am now
ready to provide the brain, nerve endings and senses
to the being, this .. woman. I require your assistance on
this matter, Lord."
"You shall make her brain, slightly smaller, yet more
intuitive, more feeling, more compassionate, and more
adaptable than man's," said The Lord.
"The nerve endings," said St. Peter. "How many will I
put in her hands?"
"How many did we put in Adam?? asked The Lord.
"Two hundred, my Lord," replied St. Peter.
"Then we shall do the same for this woman," said The
Lord.
"And how many nerve endings shall we put in her feet?"
inquired St. Peter.
"How many did we put in Adam?" asked The Lord.
"Seventy five, my Lord," replied St. Peter.
"Ah yes, these beings are constantly on their feet, so
they benefit from having less nerve endings there. Do
the same for woman," said the Lord.
"How many nerve endings should we put in woman's
genitals?" inquired St. Peter.
"How many did we put in Adam?" asked The Lord.
"Four hundred and twenty, my Lord," replied St. Peter.
"Of course, we did want Adam to have a means of
receiving extra pleasure in his life, didn't we? Do the
same for woman," said The Lord.
"Yes, my Lord," said St. Peter.
"No, wait," said The Lord. "Screw it, give her ten
thousand! I want her to scream my name!"
Well....... now you know!