Moishe has been lying ill for weeks. A few days ago he
slipped into a coma, and everyone feared the worst. The
family is called. The son flies in from Miami.The daughter
arrives from Bridgewater. The aunts. The uncles. All sit
waiting for the end.
Suddenly, a miracle occurs! Moishe opens his eyes.
Weakly, he motions for his son to approach so he can
hear talk to him. Moishe is weak from the illness, and
so his voice is very faint as he says, "I've been ill?"
"Yes, papa," replies the son with tears choking his voice,
"Very ill."
The papa nods and speaks again. "I had a dream. I was
nearing death when I suddenly smelled the aroma of your
mother's apple strudel. I LOVE that strudel. As wonderful
a cook as my Sadie is, that strudel is her masterpiece."
He lies back against the pillows, weak from the exertion
of speaking.
"What a wonderful dream, papa. But the smell is real.
Mama just took the strudel out of the oven to cool."
"A miracle!" cries Moishe as he tries to rise, and weakly
falls against the pillows. He turns to his son and says,
"I'm still too weak to get up. Go to the kitchen and get for
me a piece of Sadie's strudel."
The son obediently rises and leaves the room to fulfill his
father's request, only to return a few moments later empty
handed. He sits again by his father's side.
Moishe looks at him and says, "Nu? Where is the strudel?"
The son replies, "I'm sorry, papa. Mama says it's for the
Shiva!" ***
~~~~~~~~~~~
*** Shiva is a week-long mourning period during which
an immediate family is visited by friends and relatives
who come to pay their respect.
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"Mourning"
Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and
still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning
as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is
calling her and urging her to get back into the world.
Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know
anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama!
I have someone for you to meet." Well, it was an
immediate hit. They took to one another and after
dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a
weekend in the Catskills. And we know what
that meant.
One room and the normal follow up to that. Their
first night there she undresses as he does. There
she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy
panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her
he asks, "Why the panties?"
She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is
yours to explore, but down there I am still in
mourning." He knows he's not getting lucky that
night. The following night the same scenario. She
standing there with the black panties on, and he
in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection
on which he has a black condom.
She looks at him and asks, "What's with this... a black
condom?"
He replies, "I'm going to pay a Shiva call!"