1. Every year you get a brand new crop to choose from.
2. No matter what your mood is, pumpkins are always ready
to greet you with a smile.
3. One usually makes a better pie.
4. They are always on the doorstep there waiting for you!
5. If you don't like the way he looks, you just carve up
another face.
6. If he starts smelling up your place, you can just throw
him out.
7. From the start you know a pumpkin has an empty, mush
filled head to begin with.
8. A pumpkin is turned on (lit-up) only when you want him
to be.
***************************************************************
"Four Scores"
An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat
and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered
a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked,
"Going to a costume party ?"
"Yeah," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come
dressed as my love life."
"But you look like Abe Lincoln." protested the barkeep.
"That's right... My last four scores were seven years ago."
**************************************************************
"Don't Eat The Pumpkins! "
Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year old
white male, resident of Wimbledon, in a pumpkin
patch at 11:38pm Friday. Davidson will be charged
with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency,
and public intoxication at the County courthouse on
Monday.
The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing
a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a
pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no
one around here for miles. At least I thought there
wasn't." he stated in a phone interview from the County
courthouse jail. Davidson went on to state that he pulled
over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he
felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and
proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."
"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented
with evident embarrassment. In the process, Davidson
apparently failed to notice the Wimbledon Municipal police
car approaching and was unaware of his audience until
officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said officer
Taylor. "I walked up to (Davidson), and he's...just working
away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what
happened when she approached Davidson. "I just went up
and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are
screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised as you'd expect
and then looked me straight in the face and said,
"A pumpkin? Damn... Is it midnight already?"