While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized
his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him
clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber
standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,
"Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the
shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy,
"How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin,'" the beachcomber said.
"Wow," said the breathless still-swimming tourist and slowed
down.
The beachcomber then added, "The sharks got 'em."
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"Topless 'Enhanced' Woman"
One day there was a big lady swimming in the ocean
by the beach. Suddenly, she noticed that she had
lost her top. She thought that no one would
notice if she covered herself with her arms and
walked over to her towel.
So she went, and nobody seemed to notice her as she
approached her towel. Then a little girl came
running up to her and said, "Hey, lady!"
"What?" asked the startled lady.
"If you're going to drown those puppies, at least
let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."
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"Mind Reader"
The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately
to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming
outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and
got into the water.
After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old
ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got
out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby.
He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with
relief.
The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and
wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said: 'You know , I have
a special gift, I can read minds.'
'Impossible', said the embarrassed man, 'You really know what
I think?'
'Yes,' the lady replied, 'Right now, I bet you think that the bucket
you're holding has a bottom.'