With a NBA players strike against the team owners looming,
now is the time for us to show the world just how much we
care. It's just not right. Hundreds of basketball players in our
very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure
salary level! Atrocious! And, as if that weren't bad enough, they
will be deprived of pay for several weeks--possibly a whole
year--as a result of the strike. But now you can help! For about
two thousand dollars a day--that's less than the cost of a large
screen projection TV--you can help a basketball player remain
economically viable during his time of need. Two thousand
dollars a day may not seem like a lot of money to
you, but to a basketball player it could mean the difference
between a vacation spent golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean
cruise. For you, two thousand dollars is nothing more than three
months rent or mortgage payments. But to a basketball player,
two thousand dollars a day will almost replace his salary. Your
commitment of two thousand dollars a day will enable a
player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the
year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.
"HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?"
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on
the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his
stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment
holdings will be mailed to your home. You'll also get
information on how he plans to invest the $5 million lump
sum he will receive upon retirement. Plus upon signing up
for this program, you will receive a photo of the player
(unsigned). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind
you of other peoples' suffering.
"HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING"
Your basketball player will be told that he has a SPECIAL
FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although
the player won't know your name, he will be able to make
collect calls to your home via a special operator just in case
additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses.
Simply fill out the form below.
___YES, I want to help! I would like to sponsor a striking
NBA basketball player.
My preference is checked below:
[ ] Starter
[ ] Reserve
[ ] Star*
[ ] Superstar**
[ ] Entire team***
[ ] I'll sponsor a player most in need. Please select one for me.
* Higher cost
** Much higher cost
*** Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific
team (Sorry, does not include cheerleaders).
Please charge the account listed below $2,054.79 per day for
a reserve player or starter for the duration of the strike. Please
send me a picture of the player I have sponsored, along with
a team logo and my very own NBA Players Association badge
to wear proudly on my lapel.
[ ] Master Card [ ] Visa [ ] American Express
[ ] Discover Card [ ] Diner's Club
Your Name: _______________________
Telephone Number: _________________
Account Number: ___________________ Exp. Date:_____
Signature: _________________________
Mail completed form to NBA Players Association or call
1-888-TOOMUCH now to enroll by phone. (Children under
18 must have parental approval.) Note: Sponsors are not
permitted to contact the player they have sponsored, either
in person or by other means including, but not limited to,
telephone calls, letters, e-mail, or third parties. Keep in
mind that the basketball player you have sponsored will
be much too busy enjoying his free time, thanks to your
generous donations.
Oh yes, contributions are *not* tax-deductible.
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"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
-Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
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"Faith And Sports"
A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks
at the bar following an interfaith meeting.
The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four sons.
One more and I'll have a basketball team."
The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating,
"That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons! One more, and I'll
have a football team."
To which the Mormon replied, "You fellas ain't got a clue.
I have 17 wives. One more, and I'll have a golf course."