A policeman noticed an old lady standing on a street corner
during a sudden windstorm.
She was bracing herself by holding a lightpost with one hand,
and she was holding her hat snuggly against her head with
her other hand. Unfortunately, a strong gust blew her dress
upward, and it continued to flap in the wind, exposing her
privates for everyone to see.
The policeman came up to her and said, "Ma'am, you should
be ashamed of yourself, letting you skirt blow around, being
indecent, while both hands hold your hat. Everybody is
taking a good look at what you've got. Don't you think that
pulling your dress down is more important than worrying
about your hat?"
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"Heal the Sick"
A middle aged couple is watching TV when a TV Evangelist
comes on and promises to heal the sick.
"If only you would pray with him and place your right hand
in the air and place your left hand on the afflicted area."
So the man places his right hand in the air and his left hand on
his crotch. His wife says, "Gee Honey. He said heal the sick,
not raise the dead!"
Obvioustly, they haven't heard of Viagra - ^v^ LadyHawke
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"A Dirty Phone Call"
A little old lady's phone rings late one night, and she answers it.
"Hello," a deep voice on the other end says, "I know you.
You'd like me to push you down on the bed and rip all your
clothes off, lick your body all over and make rough love to you."
The old lady looks at the phone blushing and in amazement
and replies, "Wow! You can tell all that from a single 'Hello?'"
"Look, sonny," the old lady replied, "What these people are
looking at is 85 years old. ...But the hat is BRAND NEW!"