Following the approval of Viagra by the UK's health authorities,
the first shipment arrived on 19th May at Heathrow airport, but
was hijacked on the way to the depot. Scotland Yard have warned
the public to be on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.
~~~~~~~
Ahh, the British and their wonderfully understated sense of humor...
LadyHawke
*~*~*~*~*~*
"Diary Of A Mad Viagra Housewife."
Dear Diary:
Day 1
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much
to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night,
HE locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Day 2
Today he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he
says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he
tell me something I DON'T know! I mean, give me a break. He's
been dysfunctional for so long, he even WALKS with a limp.
Day 3
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday,
I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into
tears.
Day 4
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market
that will fix his er... "problem." It's called Viagra. I told him
that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our
wedding night. He said, "This time, I'd rather not have your
mother join us." (I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac
with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.)
Day 7
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. (No pun intended).
Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a
Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. GET OVER
YOURSELF! Not everything is about you!
Day 8
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead
of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed
wacker.
Day 10
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much.
And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with
Hard Cider! The photo of Janet Reno isn't working. What am I
going to do?
Day 11
The side effects are starting to get to him. Everything is turning
blue. The other day, we were watching Kenneth Branaugh in
Hamlet, and he thought it was The Smurfs Do Denmark.
Day 12
I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out with
Black and Decker.
Day 13
I wish he was gay. I bought 400 Liza Minelli albums and I keep
saying "fabulous" and still he keeps coming after me!
Day 14
Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I
shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with
a scud missile. Let's hope he's like President Bush and pulls out
in 100 days.
Day 15
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even
started dressing like a nun. Now he tells me sister Wendy revs
his motor.
Day 16
I may just have to kill him. Then he'll go out the way he wants to:
stiff. With my luck, I won't be able to close the casket. Argh!