LadyHawke
*~*~*~*~*~*
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash
machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper
of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel
off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their
truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the
chain still attached to the machine. ...with their bumper still
attached to the chain. ...with their vehicle's license plate
still attached to the bumper. Duhh...
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station,
dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk
sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the
person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery
store and demanded all the money in the register. When the
cashier handed him the loot, he fled... leaving his wallet on
the counter. Good going!
Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages
gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received
a call from a 47-year-old woman, who wanted to have her
husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to
pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence.
For payment, he provided the court a check--a *forged*
check. He got 10 years.
(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store,
pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag
face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten
to cut eyeholes in the mask. Ooops, eh?
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a
bank after hours and stole--are you ready for this?--the
bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely.
(That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in
the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing
the camera.)
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a
bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting
himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized
that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,
(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he
had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he
located a phone and dialed "911" for help ...
(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K, put a
$20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk
opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for
all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of
cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars!
And now - the latest! Today's Stupid Criminal Tricks Award
goes to Michael T. Zellmer: "Suspect caught - on TV!"
ROCKFORD, Ill. - Michael T. Zellmer forgot the First
Commandment for wanted fugitives: Thou shalt not commit
live TV interviews. Zellmer, 22, chatted away with a TV reporter
about the problems of underage drinking from his perch at a
local tavern. He used his real name. Among those watching
was off-duty Rockford Police Detective Jim Barton, who
thought Zellmer looked awfully familiar. It took a moment, but
Barton recalled seeing Zellmer's photograph and name only
hours earlier on a fax describing a murder suspect wanted in
Marietta, Ga. Barton telephoned on-duty officers, who went
to Shooters Bar and Grill to make the arrest. Zellmer was being
held without bond. (from USA Today 6/4/98)
Duhh, Michael, vanity will get you places! Like prison. - LadyHawke