Congratulations on your purchase of Windows 98 (c), the
latest version of the world's #1 computer operating system
from Microsoft.
A) Before using your new software, please take the time to read
these instructions carefully. Failure to do so may further limit the
terms of the limited warranty. Windows 98 (c) represents a
significant technological improvement over Microsoft's previous
operating system, Windows 95 (c).
You'll notice immediately that
* "98" is a higher number than "95,"
* a better than 3 percent increase.
But that's not all. Windows 98 (c) contains many features not
found in Windows 95 (c), or in any competing computer
operating system, (if there are any of course).
Among the improvements: faster storing and retrieving of files
(not in all models), enhanced "Caps Lock" and back-space
functionality, smoother handling, less knocking and pinging,
an easy-to-follow 720-page User's Guide, and rugged
weather-resistant shrink wrap around the box. Most important,
Windows 98 (c) offers superior compatibility with all existing
Microsoft products. We're betting that you'll never use another
company's software again.
Windows 98 (c) comes factory-loaded with the latest version of
Microsoft Explorer, the world's most popular Internet browser.
And despite what you may have heard from the U.S. Department
of Justice, Windows 98 (c) offers you the freedom to select the
Internet browser of your choice, whether it's the one produced
by the world's largest and most trusted software producer, or by
a smaller company that will either go out of business or
become part of the Microsoft family.
Configuring Windows 98 (c) to use a browser OTHER than
Microsoft Explorer is easy. Simply open the "Options" folder,
click on the "time bomb" icon, and select "Load Inferior Browser."
A dialog box will ask "Are you sure?" Click "yes." This question
may be asked several more times in different ways and in 12
different languages; just keep clicking "yes." Eventually, the
time-bomb icon will enlarge to fill the entire screen, signifying
that the browser is being loaded. You'll know the browser is fully
loaded when the fuse on the time bomb "runs out" and the
screen "explodes." If at any time after installation you become
disappointed with the slow speed and frequent data loss
associated with other browsers, simply tap the space bar on
your keyboard. Microsoft Explorer will automatically be
re-installed permanently.
Windows 98 (c) also corrects, for the first time anywhere, the
"Year 2000" computer problem. As you may know, most
computers store the current year as a two-digit number and, as
a result, many will mistake the year 2000 for 1900. Windows 98
(c) solves the problem by storing the year as a four-digit number
and, in theory, you won't have to upgrade this part of the operating
system until the year 10000.
However, the extra memory required to record the year in four
digits has prompted a few minor changes in the software's
internal calendar. Henceforth, Saturday and Sunday will be stored
as single day, known as "Satsun," and the month of June will be
replaced by two 15-day months called "Bill" and "Melissa." Please
also take the time to complete the online registration form. It only
takes a few minutes and will help us identify the key software
problems our customers want addressed. Be assured that none
of the information you provide, whether it's your Social Security
number, bank records, fingerprints, retina scan or sexual history,
will be shared with any outside company not already designated
as a Microsoft DataShare partner.
We've done our best to make using Windows 98 (c) as trouble-free
as possible. We want to hear from you if you're having any problems
at all with your software. Simply call our toll-free Helpline and follow
the recorded instructions carefully. (The Helpline is open every day
but Satsun, and is closed for the entire month of Bill.)
If we don't hear from you, we'll assume your software is working
perfectly, and an electronic message to that effect will be forwarded
to the Justice Department. We'll also send, in your name, a letter to
the editor of your hometown newspaper, reminding him or her that
American consumers want software designed by companies that
are free to innovate, not by government bureaucrats.
Again, thanks for choosing Windows 98 (c).