1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place
with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you
understand it.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to
help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your
friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either,
you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help
you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed,
double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through
plastic folders, drop him.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable
chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly
sharpened pencils.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain
you understand it.
7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp
since fourth grade. . You'd better write that letter now and get
it out of the way so you can concentrate.
8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
9. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it-- I mean it!
As soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
10. Listen to the other side.
11. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
12. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started
writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher,
the course, the university, and the world at large.
13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted
place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across
your tongue; savor its special flavor.
15. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't
missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you
have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from
Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon, is truly
worthwhile, with these exceptions:
a) Pro Bowler's Tour
b) any movie starring Don Ameche.
c) Star Trek
16. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.
17. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching.
Discuss the finer points of the plot.
18. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
19. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home.
Ask who everyone is.
20. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for
the future.
21. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious,
trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
22. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted
place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
23. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
24. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the
sunrise.
25. Lie face down on the floor and scream at the top of your lungs.
26. Leap up and write the paper.
27. Type the paper.
28. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because
you had to write the paper.