Fred was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for
his pastor. As the pastor stood beside the bed, Fred's frail
condition grew worse, and he began to flail about as he
tried to speak. Being unable to do so, he then motioned
frantically for something to write on.
The priest, keeping watch at the side of his bed leaned
quietly over and asked,
"Do you have something you would like to say?"
Fred nodded to the affirmative, and the priest handed him
a pad and pen. "I know you can't speak, but use this to
write a note, and I will give it to your wife. She's waiting
just outside."
Gathering his last ounce of strength, Fred took them and
scrawled his message upon the pad which he stuffed into
the priest's hands. Then, moments later, he died.
The pastor thought it best not to look at the note just then,
so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. After administering
the last rites, the priest left to break the sad news to the
wife.
Several days later, at the funeral, the pastor delivered the
eulogy. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket
that he'd worn the day Fred died. ?You know,? he said,
?Old Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't
read it yet, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of
inspiration there for us all.? He unfolded the note and
proceeded to aloud,
"GET OFF MY #@!!&*$%@! OXYGEN TUBE!!"
**************************************************************
"Denounce The Devil!"
The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey
into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce
the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!"
The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order.
Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why
do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I
don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."
**************************************************************
"Reaching 105th Birthday "
A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly
stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's
absence after so many years of faithful attendance the
Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health,
so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years
we don't see you at services anymore?"
The old man looked around and lowered his voice. "I'll
tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I
expected G-d to take me any day. But then I got to be 95,
then 100, then 105. So I figured that G-d is very busy and
must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind
Him!"