1. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR
DISCOMFORT. Involvement with the patient's suffering might
cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.
2. BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES. Your doctor leads a busy
and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance
he can get.
3. TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU
ARE BEING TREATED. Remember that your doctor has a
professional reputation to uphold.
4. DO NOT COMPLAIN IF THE TREATMENT FAILS TO BRING
RELIEF. You must believe that your doctor has achieved a
deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends
any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.
5. NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE IS
DOING OR WHY HE IS DOING IT. It is presumptuous to assume
that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you
would understand.
6. SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT READILY.
Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting
research paper will surely be of widespread interest.
7. PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS PROMPTLY AND WILLINGLY.
You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly,
to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.
8. DO NOT SUFFER FROM AILMENTS THAT YOU CANNOT
AFFORD. It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are
beyond your means.
9. NEVER REVEAL ANY OF THE SHORTCOMINGS THAT HAVE
COME TO LIGHT IN THE COURSE OF TREATMENT BY YOUR
DOCTOR. The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one,
and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure.
10. NEVER DIE WHILE IN YOUR DOCTOR'S PRESENCE OR
UNDER HIS DIRECT CARE. This will only cause him needless
inconvenience and embarrassment.
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"Diagnosis"
A guy goes to see his doctor. He's got a pea in one nostril,
a grape in the other, and a string bean stuck in his ear.
He says to the doctor, "I don't feel good."
The doctor replies.... "You're not eating right."