Asian-Style Mushroom Burgers

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                            FOOD FUNNY
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Here's yet another take on a familiar theme. Thanks to Jeff Symonds for sending it in.

'Twas The Night Before Christmas - A Chef's View

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.
I've been here for hours; I can't stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!

Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered; I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.

There's a knock at the door and the telephones ringing
Frosting drips on the counter as the microwaves dinging.
Two pies in the oven, desserts almost done;
My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.

I've had all I can stand, I cant take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
Then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"

He looks all around and with total regret,
Says "What's taking so long, aren't you through in here yet?"
As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe, I wanted his life!

He flees from the room in terror and pain
And screams "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oh damn, it's the pies! They're burned all to hell!

I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
But I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.

Lord, don't get me wrong; I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.
But I promise you one thing, if I live till next year,
You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
And if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!

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                            TODAY'S RECIPE
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These Asian-inspired burgers are great all by themselves, but you can
also serve them on buns along with the traditional garnishes. You may
want to add a bottle of soy sauce and some fresh beans sprouts to your standard selection of toppings.

Asian-Style Mushroom Burgers

1-1 1/2 lbs (450-675 g) ground beef, preferably chuck
6-8 dried shiitake or black mushrooms, soaked in hot water for 30 minutes, stems removed, finely chopped
2-3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 scallion (spring onion), green and white parts, finely chopped
1/4 cup (60 ml) chopped cilantro (coriander leaves)
3 Tbs (45 ml) soy sauce
1 Tbs (15 ml) sesame oil
1 Tbs (15 ml) chopped fresh ginger
1 tsp (5 ml) Chinese five-spice powder
Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

Combine all the ingredients in a mixing bowl and mix thoroughly with
your hands. Form gently into 4 to 6 patties and grill over hot coals,
pan-fry, or broil until cooked through, turning once halfway through cooking.
Serves 4 to 6.
Received on Mon Dec 28 02:40:47 2009