SPECIAL EDITION

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               FOOD FUNNY
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Thanks again to Stacie Wheeler for today's food funny.

During a birthday party in my backyard for my 6-year son, I noticed
that one of his classmates was wearing a Medical Alert bracelet.
I asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to
nuts and eggs."

Concerned about her possible interaction with Fluffy and FatBoy,
I inquired, "Are you also allergic to cats?"

The little girl replied, "I don't know. I don't eat cats."

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               TODAY'S RECIPES
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Thanks to the good folks at Gather.com for this small sampling of
the recipes contributed by Gather.com members. You can share
your favorite recipes with the world with a free membership, so head
on over to http://www.gather.com/index.jsp?ref=sa2 to get started.

Two Way Tuscan Minestrone

Contributed by Lynne Rossetto Kasper, author of the weekly column
Ask The Splendid Table®, host of American Public Media’s
national food show The Splendid Table®, and Gather.com member.
To learn how to prepare a second delicious dish using this recipe go
to http://www.lrkasper.gather.com and "Search Articles" for "Baked
Minestrone."

Makes 2 to 2-1/2 quarts serving 8 to 10 as first course; 6 as a main
dish, and doubles easily.

2 medium red onions, cut into 1/2-inch dice
1 medium-sized each carrot, potato and celery stalk,
all cut into 1/2-dice
a big handful of green beans, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
2 medium zucchini, cut into 1/2-inch dice
2 large kale leaves, finely chopped
Rind from 1/2 pound or more of Parmigiano-Reggiano
cheese (optional)
One 14-ounce can whole tomatoes with their liquid
Robust extra-virgin olive oil
1 1/8-inch thick slice pancetta or bacon, minced
1 1/8-inch thick slice good quality salami, minced
6 large fresh sage leaves
1/4 of a large green cabbage, cut into 1/2-inch dice
3 large cloves garlic, minced
1/4 tight-packed cup Italian parsley
1/3 tight-packed cup fresh basil leaves, chopped
One 15-ounce can Pinto or Cannellini beans, or chickpeas,
rinsed and drained
2 large stalks (with leaves) chard, cut into 1/2-inch dice
1/2 cup small pasta (ditalini, anci di pepe, meloni, stelle)
1 cup freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese

Set aside about 1/3 of the onion. In an 8-quart pot, combine the rest
of the onion and all the ingredients up to and including the tomatoes.
Cover with an inch of water. Season lightly with salt and pepper. Cover
and simmer very gently 45 minutes.

Meanwhile, film the bottom of a 10-inch skillet lightly with the olive oil.
Set over medium high. Add reserved onion, pancetta or bacon, salami,
sage leaves, and a handful of the cabbage. Saute to rich golden brown.
Stir in the garlic, parsley, and basil. Cook another minute.

Blend the saute into the cooked vegetables with the remaining cabbage,
the beans, the chard, and more water to cover everything by about an
inch. Simmer slowly, partially covered, another 45 minutes. Add more
water as needed to have a soup the consistency of a watery stew.
Season to taste, stir in the pasta, and simmer until tender, about 15
minutes. Minestrone reheats beautifully and is even better the second
day.

Serve hot or warm with a pitcher of olive oil, a pepper mill and the cheese
passed separately. Minestrone always gets a final seasoning at the end
of cooking, or at the table. A final seasoning is like a cheerleader, it
rallies together all the elements of the soup.

A swirl of olive oil with fresh ground black pepper are Tuscan favorites,
but my family always used Parmigiano. I love them all, the cheese, pepper
and good tasting oil. It's sacrilege amongst traditionalists, but no one
knows what you do in the privacy of your own home.

Mummo's Bourbon Cake

Contributed by Gather.com member Kevin Weeks of Tennessee. To
read the many comments posted about this recipe go to page 2 of
Kevin’s articles at http://www.seriouslygood.gather.com and click on
"Bourbon Cake."

A scrumptious a holiday cake recipe dating back to the early 1900s.
Rich, moist, spicy, chewy, and pungent with bourbon. Marvelous stuff!

1 c butter -- softened
2 c sugar
4 c flour -- sifted
4 ea eggs
1 lb pecan pieces
1 1/2 lb white or golden raisins
1 c bourbon
1 tbs ground cinnamon
1 tbs ground nutmeg
1 tbs soda
1/2 tsp salt

Heat oven to 275F. Sift 1 cup flour and mix with nuts and raisins. Sift
remaining flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, salt, and soda together. Grease a
tube pan and line bottom with parchment paper.

Cream sugar and butter until light and fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time,
making sure each is incorporated before adding the next one. Alternately
add bourbon and flour. Add nuts and raisins.

Pour into tube pan and bake 3 1/2 hours. Remove from oven and cool
thoroughly.

Sprinkle generously with additional bourbon and wrap in aluminum foil
with a couple of apple wedges to keep it moist. Each weekend leading
up to Christmas, unwrap cake and sprinkle again with additional bourbon.

My mother no longer makes the cake, but I have her tube pan and her
recipe and I'm trying to make it every year and share it with my parents
and siblings. Fortunately, it's pretty much immune to spoiling so mailing
it to Vermont or Virginia isn't a problem. And given that I made it almost
a month early this year, it should be particularly well-seasoned.

Farmgirl's Hearty Lentil Soup with Smoked Sausage

Contributed by Gather.com member Farmgirl Susan of Missouri. To view
Susan's other recipes, including one for Easy Beer Bread (which goes
great with this soup), go to http://www.farmgirl.gather.com

Serves 3 to 6 (May Be Doubled)

1 to 2 Tablespoons olive oil
1/2 lb. (8 ounces) kielbasa or other sausage, sliced into
1/2-inch thick rounds
1 large onion (about 12 ounces), chopped
3 medium carrots (about 12 ounces), chopped
4 to 6 cloves garlic, chopped
4 cups water
1 cup lentils, rinsed
1 28-ounce can tomatoes with juice (about 3 cups)
1/2 cup chopped fresh parsley, plus additional for garnish
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 Tablespoon paprika
1-1/2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes (optional)

Heat 1 Tablespoon of the olive oil in a medium pot. Add the kielbasa
and cook over medium heat until nicely browned, about 2 to 3 minutes
per side. Remove from pot and set aside. When cool, slice rounds in
half and set aside.

Add the onion and carrots to the pot, adding up to 1 Tablespoon of olive
oil if necessary to prevent sticking. Cook 5 minutes over medium heat,
stirring so that the vegetables are coated with the caramelized bits left
in the pot from cooking the sausage. Add the garlic and cook 1 to 2 more
minutes.

Add the water, lentils, and tomatoes and bring to a boil. Reduce heat
and simmer, with the lid cracked, 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Stir in the parsley, cumin, paprika, salt, and red pepper flakes if desired.
Simmer, with the lid cracked, an additional 30 minutes, stirring
occasionally.

Carefully puree about half of the soup in a blender on low speed until
still slightly chunky, then return to the pot. Or use an immersion hand
blender to puree the soup to desired consistency. Stir in sausage. Cook
over medium heat 5 minutes. Serve hot, garnished with chopped fresh
parsley if desired. Makes about 8 cups.

Pappardelle ai Funghi

Contributed by Gather.com member Elena Berton, an Italian-born Londoner.
View her other recipes at http://www.intrepidgourmet.gather.com

An exquisite meal that can be rustled up at the last minute. Don’t forget
a chunk of good Parmesan cheese.

(Serves four)

400gr pappardelle pasta (or any other type of egg noodles)
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 garlic clove, crushed
80gr dried porcini mushrooms, soaked in warm water for 15 minutes
2 tablespoons dry white wine
200ml heavy cream
2 teaspoons truffle oil
2 tablespoon grated Parmesan cheese

Boil the pasta in plenty of salted water, according to the instructions
on the packet - about 10 minutes. In the meantime, heat the olive oil
in a pan with the crushed garlic, then add the drained mushrooms. Don't
throw away the water where the mushrooms have soaked. Fry on gentle
heat for about three minutes, until the garlic starts turning golden.
Remove the garlic, then add the water where the mushrooms have
soaked, taking care not to pour any eventual sediments. Simmer until
the water is reduced, season with salt and add the wine. Pour the cream,
stir and heat gently for a couple of minutes. You should only heat up the
cream, not boil it. Add the truffle oil, season with freshly ground pepper
and pour over the pasta. Dust with Parmesan cheese before serving.

Shava's Real Fruit Cake

Contributed by Gather.com member Shava Nerad of Massachusetts. To
view all Shava’s Recent Articles (including a great recipe for egg nog!)
visit her home page at http://www.shava.gather.com and click "view all."

Not a boat anchor. Not a waste of postage. Based on a century old recipe,
modified by 30 years in food co-ops.

Preheat oven to 275 degrees F

Fruit Mixture:
3 C raisins (I like flame raisins!)
2 lb Turkish apricots (sue me, I like sulphured ones)
2 lb choice of small dried berries -- cherries, cranberries,
blueberries
1 lb candied dried pineapple
1 C diced candied lemon and/or orange peel (try candying
these yourself from organic rinds -- it's easy!)
1/2 C crystallized ginger (I like Reed's)
1 lb sliced almonds
1 lb walnut pieces
1.5C peach schnapps

Cut larger fruit into a small dice, add schnapps. Let sit overnight -- stir
it when you think of it. If there's no moisture at all at the bottom of the
bowl, add more schnapps. C'mon. It'll bake off.

Mix Flour Mixture in a bowl.
5C flour (a bit less if you use King Arthur)
dash salt
3T baking powder (non-aluminated is best)

In a very large bowl, create the shortening mixture. Cream together until
uniform.

1LB shortening (I used a good quality unsalted margarine --
I'm a butter fan, but shortening works better in this!)
3C sugar
1/2C molasses
1T cinnamon
2T mace
2t allspice
1t cardamom
1/2t black pepper (no kidding! it's in chai, too)
Add to the large bowl of shortening mixture, by turns:
10 eggs
flour mixture
Adding flour every couple of eggs until eggs, shortening mixture, and
flour mixture are uniform.

Blend in the fruit mixture. What you should have is fruit, barely stuck
together with batter.

Fill 3-4 loaf pans. You can use brownie or cake pans if you haven't
enough loaf pans, but start checking the cakes an hour earlier! If you
don't have good non-stick pans, put greased parchment (or in a pinch
greased brown paper) on the bottoms.

Bake for 2.5 to 3 hours. Depending on your oven, start checking with
a toothpick or cake tester at about 2 hours. Depending on your humidity,
how long you soaked the fruit in how much souse, and the characteristics
of your oven, baking times can vary a lot. The point here is to not let the
cakes dry out, just bake the batter around the fruit. Cakes should be
evenly light brown on the tops -- if they start browning on the edges, take
them out!

The easy way: cut into 1/2" to 1" slices, sprinkle with a bit more
schnapps to taste, serve with strong coffee.

The real way: Bake the cakes on Thanksgiving weekend. Cut into 1.5"
to 2" slices. Wrap each slice in cheesecloth. Sprinkle each slice with
peach schnapps. Put all the slices in tins. Every day or two until
Christmas, beat the ravening crowds off with a stick and sprinkle more
schnapps. By Christmas, the outside of each slice will have a sort of
crystallized rum-cake consistence, and be completely delectable.

No one will believe it's fruitcake -- but I'll
let you in on a secret. This is
the real deal. The rest are the Wonder Bread of the fruitcake world.

Christmas Spiced Pralines

Contributed by Gather.com member Amy Cuebas of Florida. To read
about this specialty from New Orleans and see a photo go to
http://www.beautyjoyfood.gather.com and click on the recipe name.

2 1/2 cups granulated sugar
One 12-ounce can evaporated milk
2 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
2 cups pecan halves, divided

Mix sugar, milk, butter, salt, and spices in a large heavy-bottomed
pan over medium heat until well combined. Bring to a boil, stirring
occasionally, until mixture reaches the soft ball stage, or 234 degrees
on a candy thermometer. Remove from heat and beat mixture for a few
minutes until creamy and thick. Do not over beat, or the candy will be
too thick and not spread as it should. It's also important not to under beat
or the pralines will spread too much instead of crystallizing. Drop
teaspoons of the mixture onto sheets of wax paper and let cool. Remove
pralines from wax paper when hardened. Pralines taste best when eaten
within a week or two. Makes approximately 2 dozen small pralines.
Received on Sat Dec 17 09:46:09 2005