Caramelized Onion and Red Pepper Sauce

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            FOOD FUNNY
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Many thanks to reader Joan Wasylyk of Mississauga, Canada for this
one:

Questions and Answers from the first nutrition expert I've found who
seems to make sense:

From: Dr. Buford Teapotts, MD.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live
longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing
more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your
system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of
field grass (green leafy vegetable) and a pork chop can give you 100%
of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As
we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three
categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and
wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of
elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a
burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body:fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one
to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...
Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables
be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO? Cocoa beans... another vegetable!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets. Have a cookie... flour is a veggie! One more
thing: When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and
some salt.

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            TODAY'S RECIPE
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This sauce is especially good on spinach pasta, and for a healthier
alternative to regular pasta, try it on whole wheat fettuccine or
linguini.

Caramelized Onion and Red Pepper Sauce

1/4 cup (60 ml) olive oil
2 large red onions, thinly sliced
3 red bell peppers (capsicums), cored, seeded, and
cut into thin strips (julienne)
1-3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1/4 cup (60 ml) chopped fresh parsley
Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste
Red pepper flakes to taste (optional)
Pasta of choice, cooked according to package directions

Heat the oil in a large skillet over low heat and saute the onions
slowly until tender and golden brown, about 10 minutes. Stir in the
bell peppers and increase the heat to medium. Saute until the peppers
begin to brown slightly, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and saute
for 2 minutes. Remove from the heat, add the parsley, salt, pepper,
and optional red pepper flakes and toss with the cooked pasta. Serves
4 to 6.
Received on Thu Mar 4 09:38:22 2004