Subject: Spiced Coffee Cake
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Dec 02 2002 - 06:38:58 EST
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FOOD FUNNY
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Many people sent me this rather lengthy food funny. If anyone knows
who wrote it, please let me know.
Dear Family and Friends,
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm
telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart
won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:
Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries.
After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done,
rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.
Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated
with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make.
Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having
them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was
their idea.
The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy
china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match
and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will
refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa
napkins from last Christmas.
Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that
I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration
hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures
me it is a turkey.
We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you
while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice
comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims, and the turkey
hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at
5:00 A.M. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to
cut diamonds.
As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of
tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a
recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds
suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them.
They are lying.
We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the
start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional
method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement.
When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit
where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to
sit in a separate room. Next door.
Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey
in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be
happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be
carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not,
under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not
send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an
electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I
will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that
"passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to
bean your brother in the head with warm tasty bread.
Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and
especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the
giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner
questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead
ignorance.
Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a
choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving
the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small
fingerprints. You will still have a choice: take it or leave it.
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TODAY'S RECIPE
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Here is a quick and easy coffee cake that will satisfy a hungry crowd
without taking a lot of time from the busy cook's day.
Spiced Coffee Cake
For the batter:
1 cup (250 ml) sugar
1/2 cup (125 ml) butter at room temperature
2 eggs
2 cups (500 ml) all-purpose flour
1 tsp (5 ml) baking powder
1 tsp (5 ml) baking soda
1/2 tsp (2 ml) ground ginger
1 cup (250 ml) sour cream
2/3 cups (160 ml) cups coarsely chopped walnuts
or pecans
2/3 cups (160 ml) raisins
For the topping:
1 Tbs (15 ml) butter
1/4 cup (60 ml) sugar
2 Tbs (30 ml) all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp (2 ml) cinnamon
1/2 cup (125 ml) coarsely chopped walnuts
or pecans
To make the batter, cream together the butter and sugar. Beat in the
eggs one at a time. Sift together the flour, baking powder, baking
soda, and ginger. Stir the flour mixture into the egg mixture,
alternating with the sour cream. Stir in the nuts and raisins. Pour
into a buttered 9-inch (23 cm) square cake pan. Combine the topping
ingredients in a mixing bowl and rub with your fingers until it
resembles coarse crumbs. Sprinkle over the batter and bake in a
preheated 350F (180C) oven for about 45 minutes, until a toothpick
inserted in the center comes out clean. Serve warm or at room
temperature. Serves 6 to 8.
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